As a child, I always believed that jumping a car would be a much larger part of my adult life.

Louis CK was like, “Hey Guys!”

Yeah! It’s not like he’s my denist, ENT, or podiatrist; he’s not gunna check my prostate!

That’s how “Objectivity” works. 

He said...*ahem*... “Oooohhh, Noooooo!”

“Until a person who has committed an offense has actually acknowledged what they’ve done, apologized, and made every effort to make amends, I refuse to accept them as a fellow human. I don’t care if it’s cutting me off in traffic or murder.”

Well, I’m no spring chicken and I love to buy and sell cars.

Nope. Never owned one of those.

Thanks!

For real. 

Well, that’s true. But, today, is an exceptional time to be in the market for a new Subaru. Those guys hardly ever budge on price. Today, they’re throwing away $5,700 and a spare set of rims and tires without having to haggle very much at all. Just wait for Trump’s tariffs to kick in. It’ll be a different story in a…

They are tanks and they last forever. I’ve had 4 of them and they all retained their value very well. 

SO, what? Thanks to Pecker, everything’s all fucked now? 

Get Trey Gowdy on the line!!!

Guy’s a goddamned idiot.

What?!?! How am I to express that I America’d all over my desk just now?!?

So, Vermont then? 

For real! She’s got nuthin’ on Tigra and Bunny.