Drippy, no! I love you!

I like the orange Starburst but few things in life are worse than opening a 2-pack of Starburst and both pieces are lemon. Like, Jesus, why not kill my dog while you’re at it?

This is actually a smart move on her part. The cops can’t grab her because she can file sexual assault. Never a good look to see a cop wrestling with a woman but this ups it considerably by her being naked.

I only use those wipes for two things: wiping sex juices off of my dick post coitus or one last (really penultimate) wipe of my ass to get it squeaky clean back there.

“Settlers” of Cataan?

If there’s one thing Americans are good at it’s not talking about things that make them uncomfortable.

Everything with potatoes? Why in God’s name would you do that?

It’s in New York City. So yes.

It sucks that the cops have co-opted the Punisher as their logo. I’d like to wear it in support of “punishing” crooked cops.

There’s pretty much no way anybody is going to punch a shark without getting bit first. They move too fast. The strategy is basically “if you get bit: hammer their nose so they let you go.”

I imagine it will be like when Joe Biden “debated” Paul Ryan except better because Ryan, while delusional, was an ideologue who stuck to his misplaced guns. Joe poked holes in everything that shitweasel said and laughed in his face the whole time. It was magical. Trump doesn’t hold fast to anything except his own…

I grew up around Myrtle Beach and they taught us in school to punch a shark on the nose if one comes after you. I’m serious. My girl doesn’t believe me but there are all these tunnels in a shark’s nose and any trauma to it causes those tunnels to fill with some jelly-like substance, the shark feels massive pain, and…

Washington’s team hasn’t done shit since Dan Snyder took over. They’re the Browns of the NFC which is saying something considering the NFC also has the Bears and Lions. The Red Tails were good and the name would absolutely be sullied by having that particular football team associated with them. Name it something…

It’s the South. They’re notoriously anti-union so it’s likely the Union can’t do shit about it. See also: Michael Slager. Fired, arrested, and sentenced to 20 years in South Carolina for murder. Meanwhile, Ohio has plenty of badged murderers walking free.

For South Carolina they chose the Lowcountry boil instead of shrimp and grits? Or perlou/chicken bog? Get the fuck outta here. And nobody talks about the ketchup-based barbecue from the Western Carolinas. Fuckin’ hillbillies drunk off moonshine think that shit tastes good and literally nobody else does.

My mind immediately thought of someone else who hates cans..

The weather has been nice in Chicago so we went on a couple of walks this weekend. Yesterday we walked up a part of a street we’d never been on and used that to get up to an ice cream shop in Andersonville (Chicago neighborhood). The missus doesn’t take kindly to dairy but George’s has a couple of non-dairy (soy)…

That’s cool and all but I still prefer the horror shows of Nailed It. I even started watching the international versions. The first episode of Nailed It! Mexico might be as wonderful as the unicorn cakes. Just.. wow. The piñatas... We finished off Mexico and started the France edition last night. The cakes were bad…

Yeah, that’s gonna be a NO from me, dawg.

Now now, they’re not all bastards. They just haven’t been able to root out all the good ones yet.