We had a cat so smart that if we tried to lock her out of a space in our apartment, she would stand on her hind legs and jiggle the doorknob, while her fat dumb brother threw his weight at the door until it popped open. We regularly discussed how terrifying Stella would be with thumbs. She would have hotwired our car…

Sometimes when I snap at my kids, I’m like “I regret how I handled that.” And that’s pretty much the same as shooting up a pizza joint because you think there are sex slaves in the nonexistent basement.

My cat likes to show me that he’s pissed by making the whole floor his litter box.

Liberals/democrats are the nerds who think sucking up to their tormentors will help rectify things.

YES. This is one of my biggest problems with democrats—they don’t fight back. They don’t want to play dirty. And so they get ran over time and again. This is not the time to “give Trump a chance” this is a time to listen to what Trump told us he believes and believe him.

I believe that love IS the answer ... but not the kind of passive, feel-good, saccharine platitudes and symbolic kind deeds that Van Jones seems to be talking about. The kind of love that we need is challenging and revolutionary and ACTIVE, and it isn’t the same thing as simple niceness.

You do know that everyone who is in prison didn’t commit a crime, right?

Her face makes me happy inside. I’m a terrible, disgusting person though :(

Thank God cats can’t use scissors!

Klein was forced to stuff Wildenstein inside a closet to prevent another rabid attack, sources said.

Looking forward to seeing how this ties in to the new Universal Monster Universe.

I would like to jack it to this new trailer, thank you for asking. But unfortunately (fortunately?), there’s a new Target holiday commercial and it’s doing more for me.

Good Gravy. Where?!?!

So Kasich wants voters to carry Trump to term? Shocker.

Y’know, passing the Paycheck Fairness Act would be an even BIGGER step towards equality...just sayin’...but yeah sure draft women that’s good too I guess.

Ok but I’m a Bernie man through and through, and I still believe that conspiracy. See, right and left can agree on something!

Bingo, ignored it till she died of natural causes.

I didn’t have the fortitude to outright ask my dad if he voted Trump but he’s been knee-deep in crazy conspiracies since day one so I feel like I just don’t even need to ask. I know my mom voted HRC, though. :)

Omg. my old boss, a publican who voted Leave so the uk could stop immigration (even though the only people who would take employment at his shitty pub were immigrants) absolutely believes the same exact thing. Also that there is no evidence that smoking kills you. His reasoning? He was once a bicycle courier for a…

Because “Cancer” is one thing. With one cure.