I’m doing my best but none of it comes naturally to me. Like I am not one of those moms who will tell my kid “here have the last piece of pizza EVEN THOUGH YOU’VE ALREADY HAD 5 SLICES AND I’VE ONLY HAD 2.” I’m the type that will say “hell no, that’s my piece. go get some damn cereal if you’re still hungry!”

I’ve been trying to get pregnant for six months and hearing this on the radio this morning made my head explode. They got married in July, and if she waited the standard three months to announce, then she got pregnant right away. I know there isn’t a finite number of babies in the world, but it still stings.

Please really think about that name this time, girl.

I had trouble at first, too, but then I figured it out. Those are God’s hands, putting the baby in her womb on Russell’s behalf.

I have a child but she was not planned and I never had a desire to be a mom. You can’t say that out loud though because apparently it means that you are a really shitty person.

I can’t deal with Wilson. He has aging baby face. I dont like it and I dont accept it.

Somewhere in Atlanta: Future is crying into his Autotune software and will call it an album.

I can think of many greater gifts that a god can grant you, gifts that do not shit constantly or vomit or take all of your goddamn money.

When I was in high school, I took an online writing class. There was only one guy in the class. Each week we had to write a short story or some sort of fictional short story exercise (think character bios). We all knew each other’s full names and there was a photo on our profiles.

Ok but is he a good swimmer? Can he still enjoy a steak?

Some years ago, two University of Texas law students who were well liked in the rock climbing community were sexually assaulting women together. They made the mistake of trying to pull something off in the parking lot of a restaurant in Fredericksburg one night, but a friend of mine walked in on the scene. As is the…

Women keep them too.

Eldritch horrors lurking in the Great Lakes, obvs.

Van Wagner cited his own history as an English major in college, saying “every single short story could be interpreted 12 ways.”

All men have kill lists. Women need to realize this & stop fussing.

“The Triple Lindy,”

This is terrifying. It’s like the next step in Fox News-style paranoia mongering. The difference being Trump isn’t afraid to incite violence. He’s going to have a massive platform to scapegoat and fear monger like no one else really before him.

It’s up to us to stop this. Any company that advertises on this should be shredded on social media. We should boycott like hell and make as much noise as possible. Ideally we should also yell at any news or media outlet that partners with too, though goddess only knows how to shame a company like Fox at this point.

Well, let’s see how quickly he can stiff investors, etc. & run this business into the ground. 💅🏾

You met John Barrowman and Tom Hardy? Oh, my “ovaries”.*