John Waters. He’s 70, which isn’t exactly young, and 2016 has had no qualms taking people younger than that.

Look, my grandpa didn’t get shot up in a foxhole in Korea for a coupla a teens to pout and cross their arms at a state dinner!

Malia has moved to the front page lately due to her terrible pot addiction. I get all my political information from the front page of the “Enquirer” while I wait in line at Kroger.

Lady Putin has a really nice braid. How do you get a braid that nice without all the little fly-aways? Asking for a friend.

I seem to recall the Obama girls being taken to task for various things, from “sulking” at events to “vacationing in Hawaii on our taxpayer dollars” to “smoking pot and going to rehab.”

Yeah, but a lot of those white women didn’t have a pure candidate to vote for.

Came for the “you’re with me, leather” reference. Was not disappointed.

Anecdotal, but I would say, easily, that 80% of my friends are in loveless/unhappy marriages because they panicked after college and married the first person that came along. The 20% are all friends that married much, much later in life and they seem exponentially happier.

Hey! If Hillary didn’t want to walk that impossible line between too imposing/shrill and too soft/weak, then she shouldn’t have been born a woman.

All I know is that “Outlands II” really neutralizes rants about “illegal aliens” getting “iPads at the boarder from Obummer.”

Your doggo is adorable!

I’m so sorry. That is really shitty timing from the company.

When my dad’s lady-friend starts on one of her alt-right rants, I tune her out and play the Daft Punk scored soundtrack from “Tron: Legacy.” Makes it more interesting.

“Adult” as in complicated patterns, or “adult” as in “mature audiences only”?

My number one goal for 2017 is to get him to a good trainer and find a way to channel his overabundance of energy. I’ve never had a dog so amped up on life.

Question for you: we have a rescue that is half Newfoundland/half lab. We’ve never had a lab before. He’s allegedly 2 years old and he is OFF THE CHARTS ENERGETIC. At what point can we expect him to start calming his tits? 5 years? 7 years? Never?

“If this Carl Sagan is so smart, why does his think that nuclear bombs use matches? When Cornell University sends their people, they aren’t sending their best. They’re sending people like Little Carl. Sad!”

All the Santas from my childhood were dicey looking white dudes with obvious fake beards and a lingering odor of cigarettes and hot dogs.

But if Trump doesn’t distract the sheeple with his hilarious, “tellin’ it like it is” tweets, then Pence and Paul can’t operate nefariously in the shadows!

“Such a nasty astrophysicist.” - Donald Trump about Carl Sagan, maybe