I hope she licks the sides of the butter knife before she cuts the crusts off.

And you know he’s not even buying Wonderbread, but that off-brand, day old white bread that gets soggy immediately and pulls apart.

Putting on sunglasses =/= shade? I’m pretty sure when I put on my Free Goodwill Promo Sunglasses (courtesy of a race swag from a local 5K), I’m shading the light that’s shading my migraine.

Hungry looks can’t melt steel beams.

I imagine him eating these sandwiches with store-brand mayo slathered on them....

A gold “You Tried” star.

Yeah, he lives like 40 minutes from me. He’s said in interviews that he has the money to travel to places (NYC, LA, etc. etc.), so why limit himself to live in those places?

I fell down a weird Tumblr hole that started with looking at Jai Courtney pics, then led to smutty Captain Boomerang imagines, which led to #proana and terrible poetry, which led to a supposed teen girl grifting for money and gifts to pay for her transition (which people claim is fake, via the provided receipts…

Shhhh, it’s okay. Come sit by me. We can snack on hummus and snark at the Food Babe together.

You know, I used to think I was petty for shit that goes down at my workplace, like when I passive-aggressively throw out a “thanks so much” when someone finally vacates the conference room I had booked.....then I realize that there are elected politicians with real power pulling shit ten times more petty and…

Don’t punish the whole class just because a handful of people are misbehaving!

They only stay around if you keep feeding them. I tend to lure them into a trap, then take them in for their shots and a neutering, then set them loose again miles from where I live.

My cat would have lured her in by giving her belly, then clawed her to fucking pieces when she dared touch the proffered belly.

Someone give him a slot at the Apollo! Guaranteed laff-a-minute!

She literally walked into Benghazi in her camo “action” pantsuit and killed those people herself.

I write feminist fan-fiction on Tumblr under the pen name “Bitter Tits.”

I’m not mad. I still call people “sugar tits” thanks to him.

I myself dabble in lesbianism every summer, right around the time the humidity gets high and the hair laying on the back of my neck gets super irritating.

Precisely.....especially the rabid, slavering mobs that go after a celebrity when they dare to date or marry someone.

Hmm....I would have thought that percentage would be higher. My husband’s cousin was just ranting the other day that he has to check on all of his daughter’s TV shows because there are “lesbians in all of them.”