Hey, don’t knock the matching cardigan sets! #notallbusinesscasual

You could lean in real close to her and hiss, “I’m coming for your grandkidsssssss!” Then do your most evil sounding witch-cackle.

I’m all for dragging mean old men who are dead. I continue to talk ill of my dead grandpa, who was an angry old racist whose only loves were bellying up to all-you-can-eat buffets and telling my mom what a piece of shit she was.

The Pittsburgh Penguins signed a multi-year deal with RC Cola when they built their new arena, which meant that when I lived there and went to concerts there, I was stuck drinking their disgusting soda.

I was picturing over-the-top messaging, like in the old after school specials. Only instead of Helen Hunt going nuts on PCP and jumping out of a window, you get a ham-fisted message about intersectional feminism. No, scratch that. You get a ham-fisted message about how girls can pitch a baseball as well as a boy.

My husband and I have been together for eleven years, and I attribute it to the deeply spiritual conversations that we have with each other. Sometimes they are about the weather and if he should mow the lawn now or another evening. Sometimes they are about what we’ll have for dinner. Sometimes, we talk about who is…

I would like to make my boss experience it, so that when I’m barfing and crying at my desk from the searing ice pick in my eyeball, he won’t say “take an Advil and suck it up.”

I got here and starred this before someone gives you the #notallorganizedreligion, standard response.

She wears sneakers and sits on bleachers, while those other whores wear short skirts.

I didn’t like Firefly either. There’s dozens of us.

Precisely. Due to scheduling and a missed gen ed requirement for art, I ended up taking “Russian Fairytales” as a class my senior year. Hated it. But passed it, because there’s a bare minimum I had to do, so I did it.

Plot twist: Nate is failing his classes because he spends his nights trolling local parks and killing transients with a hammer. You know, typical stuff.

The biggest thing I learned this season is that I really think I could pull off a bright purple Members Only jacket.

Honestly, he spurs the most laugh-out-loud moments for me. When he was talking about how in the South, they send “musical” boys to camp to become “less musical”....and then he sings “it was a baaaaaaang fessssssst!”

If those kids wanted a stable home with access to food and medical care and a quality education, they should have chosen better parents! Why should mah tax dollars help them out?!? Mah tax dollars should go towards what the good lord intended - overpriced military planes that never fly and lifetime benefits to…

Probably. Planned Parenthood probably developed it after they realized how much they could make from that sweet fetus cell racket they’re running.

“The biggest problem facing the African-American community is African-American women aborting their babies because they are African-American.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

The answer, I assume, is zero.

“I’m a black woman and I just had sex with my black husband. Oh shit....this fetus is probably black. Better abort!”

Or they could increase funding for children of color in foster care, so that they can be adopted or supported when they age out, but nah. Those kiddos should bootstrap it and all that.