Bieber’s Adagio for Strings would be nothing but him whispering, “hey girl....” over dub-stepped strings.

I’m picturing it in slow-motion, set to Barber’s “Adagio for Strings.” It is wonderful.

I’m 35. When do I qualify for this cookie?

Triptans have stopped working for me, but on my last ER trip a few months back, the doctor asked if I wanted the IV version of Imitrex. I declined, but the nurse was grumbling about people scamming drugs with “fake” pain.

As a migraine sufferer who frequently goes to the ER for treatment, I co-sign this. I don’t even WANT pain meds - just my usual cocktail of anti-inflammatory, anti-nausea, and blood pressure med in IV form - but 9 times out of 10 I get grief because “migraine” is like “back pain” and the docs or nurses think I’m…

That’s because it’s easier to prosecute some stoner growing a pot plant in his basement instead of Pfizer, Bayer, or GlaxoWhatever.

“Ha ha, no I don’t! You have to deal with me for another 363 days! Mwahahaha!” - 2016

Yeah, the characters were basically farts in a box, but did that even matter when the drama of trade route taxation was writ large on the screen?

I’ve gone to one and it was fun. As a white-collar professional who deals in numbers and spreadsheets all day, it was enjoyable to sit and paint, even if the paint is tempura and even if the picture is step-by-step and slightly infantile.

You know Ludacris does that fake echo-track thing. He’s bust outta the bathroom, ready to take you to pound town, and be all “LUDA! Luda!”

Jay Sahnderulo sounds like he is an ambulance chasing lawyer with billboards on the interstate that proclaim that he will fight for you!

Would do, but he’d have to keep his mouth shut. He probably announces himself in bed like he announces himself in his songs. JASON DERUUUUULO!

This needs more stars. Here’s a gif for your efforts.

Nah, she’s probably off having coffee with Dotty Sandusky, talking ‘bout the next season of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ because there’s nothing else of note to discuss.

If you look at the state of the world, you can pretty easily make the case of a cruel, hateful god.

I’m bucking the trend and resolving to live my best life. This means eating fine cheeses, as often as I want.

I was looking at shirtless pictures of Henry Cavill on Tumblr and somehow an entire port wine cheese ball ended up in my stomach, adding a full 20 lbs to me.

I really wanted to point out that she should have had more faith in Jesus, since that’s her go-to when I try to point out the reasons for abortions (rape, incest, financial difficulties, etc.).

My optometrist advised that I stop talking with my SIL for this very reason.

She told us about it, but it wasn’t an abortion, see. It was a “procedure.” An abortion is something that a wanton slut gets so that she can have consequence-free sex, usually performed by a cackling lesbian socialist at Planned Parenthood while Slayer plays over the intercom.