“Tidepods,” Gronk said.

He fell because he didn’t want to complete the full-service blowjob! As it is, his chin is already pregnant.

You know what would be REALLY great for your business? If Lauren’s husband recorded Jeff and Lauren having sex on video and then it somehow leaked out into your hands and you put it online!

Every woman in America would melt with desire if Bezos merely texted over a PDF of his 1040.

This is a smart business person. She thought it through, sought trusted input and paid attention to it.

As long as the attorney isn’t Terry Bollea, you should be fine.

Before this, I hadn’t felt a need to see a doctor for five years. But about six weeks ago, I had a sudden onset of what turned out to be vertigo. No balance, dry heaves if I moved my head too fast or tried to stand. Wound up in the hospital worrying about a stroke/heart issue, got a full heart ultrasound and X-ray and…

This is the exact same reason my wife left me.

This is the exact same reason my wife left me.

Please read over posts before you put them up. I’ve spotted two dumb mistakes so far, and so I’ve given up. Have some pride in your craft.

I wanted to open an Amazon Seller account selling a paper clip for $999.99 (yeah, but FREE SHIPPING). And then I would buy a 10-second Super Bowl ad that says “Alexa, buy Furtive Glance’s Paper Clip.”  

I don’t get to take credit for this, but I sure laughed when I saw someone tweet:

“What an embarrassing rout! Good thing Manti Teo’s girlfriend is dead.”

And after all of that, that ESPN hoopster works for ESPN and you work for Deadspin.

Any story that has many different, disparate endings is not a well-written story.

“I’ll be back coaching the Lions next year ... or the year after ...”

In this year’s brackets I’m picking 39 percent to dominate.

This has been the halftime entertainment at my home since 1994.

Wine company stocks just dropped 42 percent.

They’ve gone from reposting the work of other websites to reposting the work of colleagues. HULK NO LIKE

If D’Arcy Carden doesn’t get an Emmy nomination for this episode, it’s only because she’s just TOO GODDAMN FREAKING HOT. Suh-WOON