Nice work. One suggestion -

Did the poor dogs throw up afterwards? How about the coworkers?

Don’t tempt him. He’ll figure out some way to write about Kwame, the Unabomber, and how our hungry landfills swallow cubic miles of Canadian trash at a time.

If I might:

I suspect you’re right. The club didn’t foresee what A-Rod would become; rather, it was a type of agreement, separate from the player’s contract, that was acceptable to the union. Here’s a summary:

The invective is a little salty for kindergarten, but your point’s still valid.

They did write a better contract, and that’s exactly what it actually is - a PR contract, triggered upon the Yanquis’s exercise of their option to designate the homers as historic events and have A-Rod promote them. They didn’t, he didn’t, and therefore, there is no obligation in either direction.

Who won the olympic sport of tossing John Wayne Bobbitt’s disattached body part?

Here’s what the article cited in the comments from 2007 said:

Bravo. Now we actually have an idea what the contract says.

What?!? You can’t “go off basic contract law” without reading the contract.

Saying fuck this shit fuck that fuck fuck fuckity fuck-fuck-fuck makes you sound like a drunken idiot, whether you actually are or not.

That doesn’t follow.

Ok, exactly what does the contract say? If you don’t know, how do you know anyone’s a “hypocrite”?

What’s the contract actually say? If you don’t know, how do you know they’re not following it and “want to change it”?

Can you quote the contract provision that gives him a right to the $?

But unlike Floyd, possibly, Jones is rarely outside the lines, or at least not far from his dealer.

You mean when Brad Pitt was a contestant on Cupcake Wars? That was Baking Brad.

So you lost your ass without even betting on the game?

Shit. I was trying to be sensitive but got missed up...