Clearly, the original intent of the founders was the right for sharks to bear arms. Or for sharks to have bear arms? I don’t know; I’m not a Constitutional scholar.

In a similar but unrelated note, I now bump into men who walk right into my path instead of moving to the side as we pass on narrow sidewalks.

Post-wine texted this to the ex-husband who keeps contacting me

Right... gassing.

Amal has more class in her pinkie finger than the entire group of republican nominees combined. I just want to sit somewhere with her and have a glass of wine

As a last act of good will and under the influence of marcotics, I ask that you comment here so I can ungrey you if you’re not a troll.

I've got a friend who works for the office that represented James Holmes. They all celebrated when he got life instead of death. Some (like her) believe everyone deserves a fair trial. Some do it for the money. But most take humanity out of the equation and treat litigation as a game like monopoly or poker that you…

The list of what is wrong with people actually IS the site.

Between this Mark Salling news and the ever present inconceivable support on twitter today for Bill Cosby, here is a picture of my puppy to cheer everyone up.

No, in fact that’s not only not obvious but conflicts with the complaint filed in court. This is a screenshot from a section discussing a phone conversation he had with Andrea Constand’s mom on Jan. 17, 2005:

Am I too late to make a hilaaaarious “Dominos pizza is terrible and I’m a good person because I don’t lower myself to the standards of the pleb masses and instead take my refined pallet to only the finest of eateries so really this kid is just so much worse now” joke? Too late to elevate the food choices of a literal…

I loved it when C.M. Punk was on. He quit, and I got bored.

My dad’s closest friend, from seminary, left my dad his ring when he died. (This happened years before I was born.) The ring had a big onyx stone. My dad was the least-flashiest guy, so the ring always stood out on him.

So we all agree that he went out and had a copy made, right?

Hoooooooooooooouuuuuuuuu, brother.

I saw this and came here to post this amazing picture.

So many words and yet I have no idea what your point is. And I'm a parenthetical motherfucker.

It took me way too long to realize that they’re hugging the wrong mother.

Is Jez a feminist website? Historically, Jezebel has completely and utterly shied away from every calling itself a feminist site. The tagline has always been “Celebrity, Sex, Fashion for Women. Without Airbrushing” - it started as “pink Gawker” and while it’s tried to move away from that, the recent structural changes…