Worst day of my young life:having to live with my grandparents while my parents got divorced/had mental breakdowns, my grandmother dresses me for the first day of a new school with her sensible costco grandma style. Show up at school and realize im dressed the same as the 65 yr old crossing guard. Who was tickled we…

Stay sexy. Dont get murdered.

Fellow New Englander here-I was really surprised it was in Portsmouth, its like the Williamsburg of New Hamshire

Awwww I used to work at a florist in Brooklyn Heights she would come to. She luckily didn’t recognize me from an incredibly embarrassing drunken encounter in North Carolina. At least she let me think she didnt. It was one of my most shameful nights.

Daaaaaaaaaamn Ruby came for his ass. She was so emotional on the show, I think she cried everytime. Then again if someone accused me of flirting with that toasted dough ball Id probably be filled with rage.

Im a tall woman and i fucking love this look. I want to look like my body is entirely made of legs.I also enjoy wearing heels so tall everyone head is at nipple level.

My parents just bought a vacation house in Canada. Its not winterized but Ill take my chances

Dammit! I just posted this, I shouldve read downthread. Ive had this hibernating in my phone for just the right occasion. Foiled again!

Moved in with this friend who was fresh out of rehab for coke. I naively thought since blow isnt my bag, shed be fine...so dumb. She basically became a cocaine monster in 6 weeks, kicking my door in at 5 am yelling about her stash, stealing my things, puking in the shower and NEVER cleaning it up. I started locking my…

Driving my work van to a beach in Maine with a 1/2 lbs of weed to smoke on a beach with a bunch of teens(which I was as well-this was like 2000?)Cops show up, and Im a hysterical mess thinking im DEFINITELY going to jail. They searched the van, made me do a sobriety test i failed, and wrote me a ticket for a 1/4 oz…

Cross stitch generator? Thats a thing?!

I met this guy in nyc whose “performance art” was dumping 10-20,000 ladybugs at art openings. He had done it at Miami Basel, and would brag the FBI was after him for it(like why tho?) He had that exact quaility youre talking about. Just total unawareness of others property and epic unquenchable thirst

My mom was all about ivy stencils and curtains. And cows in the kitchen. I still have her cow remnants scattered around my house. Decor, not cow parts. That would be intense.

I remember in my elementary school band that year there were 4 flute players, 2 trumpets, 3 drummers, and 64 saxophone players. Thanks Bill. And slightly less so Lisa Simpson

That was in fact my wedding song. And I was married a few years back. And I have A LOT of cousins. And one of them is dead to me now. Oh sorry, was that too dark for you? *extra dead*

Its illegal here. Because we cant have nice things (because we binge drink). Here is an article about it:

What shes sheriff callie? I didnt know that. Im still trying to get over wilmer valderrama is handy mandy

Noooooooo its just we cant hold our liquor. Theres a reason we dont have happy hour-everyone would be in jail or the hospital. Though commuting would be a dream...

I just tripped down my front steps today wearing the same-flares and platforms. I was supposed to go to a Donna Summer roller disco party tonight, and my neighbors caught me pulling a Nancy Kerrigan screaming “Why?!” over n over in my driveway.I dont remember busting my ass so badly in my teens.