DAMNIT JANET!

Wasn’t Chicago where that one audience member at an improv show was invited to tell a funny story and basically ended up giving a rape confession a few years ago?

Bonnie and Clyde.

I was Satan!

Dressed the kid up as Max from “Where the Wild Things Are” then took a walk through a cemetery, naturally.

There are few things that better indicate that everything is right with the world than the Cubs losing.

Most of them have only been Cubs fans since July or so.

Wow I really was getting ready for Cubs fans to act like assholes all year because they won. Now I almost (not quite but almost) feel bad that I will spend all year being the asshole by reminding them that my team won it’s World Series.

One would think those Cub fans would be used to taking the L.

I can’t beleive no one has posted this yet but

Fucking yup. I kicked a 5 year old’s ass at the Game of Life today and I don’t feel bad at all. Builds character. He’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t cry after losing or gloat too much after winning, so he’s already better than Drumpf.

Well, this nasty woman just finished filling out her absentee ballot (for a toss-up state with a competitive Senate race, natch) and is enjoying a nice glass of whisky. So enjoy it while you can, you pumpkin-faced loon.

Trump is the AIDS of this election cycle. We’re all going to be on medication for the rest of our goddamned lives dealing with this incurable, festering rash of a person.

OR DO THEY??????

Are we sure?

So weird—I heard she’ll be 45 in January.

Beautiful photos of the Jezebel house where we all live and menstruate in tandem