And when was the Last time you made my eyes scream in ecstatic terror, Philip? Between serving on the city council and your trips to buy quicklime and rubber gloves... I can’t even remember the last time you suddenly appeared in the mirror next to me .

Seems like everyone reminds you of the prostitute you murdered in Mexico City...except me...

...I don’t know why, but this makes me afraid.

I know. :-D

Alright, hon. Oh, I picked up your diazepam refill on my way back from the track. Let me know the next time you run low, okay?

So is “friend”, according to the popular musicians.

So...what’s for dinner?

Did any of the stories describe him as a poo-petrator?

Maybe that money can be spent on embassy security or a study on gun fatalities or Zika prevention or school lunches or dammit why do I have to be a dreamer...

“A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful arm on his girl. The show begins, and the one-armed comedian comes out for his final show of the night. He does his act, and the audience stands up and gives him a hand.”

I’ve always enjoyed Jenga.

If the hood fits...

As part of my failed white male privilege indoctrination, I have watched every episode of M*A*S*H*. I still don’t consider myself an expert on either Korea.

Whatever blackmail Scalia had on Kennedy must have been destroyed. Woo!

I’m a responsible driver. It’s all these other irresponsible drivers that make drivers like me look crazy.

Is this the first draft of the Goosebumps story The Haunted Mask?

Hillary Clinton/Block-of-wood-with-googly-eyes-stuck-on-it 2016!

In God’s iOS, “Send Read Receipts” is permanently disabled.

My favorite part of the video is the pro-lifer who shushed his wife when she wanted to add on to the interview.

We’ve been discussing the opening of another bunker in Denial. If you know anyone with a proficiency in marketing/demographics, we’d love to know if this area is under-served for sanity assistance.