We may be a bunch of filthy Commie rats at the FTS Bunker, but we’re not monsters.

Just in time for the latest reasons to lose faith in innate human kindness — the FTS (Fuck This Shit) Bunker is now open for the summer season. The a/c is working this year, and utilities are once again being unknowingly donated by local churches and mosques.

Good on ya. Help yourself to the salt lick, it’s mostly sanitary.

Although I Am completely unable to give practical advice on this particular situation (due to a lifetime of figuratively shitting the bed in relationships), I did want you to know your comment has been read and I hope the best for you.

Just got back from running DJ duties at a street festival as a local radio station rep. Have no experience, but I talked the volunteer coordinator into letting me do it anyway. And discovered two-thirds of the way through that the music director of the station had been in the crowd for who knows how long. Every bit of…

Feelings? She can’t feellibgz because I want candidate look strobg and protekt us from teh Mexican’ts and objectively blllaaaarrrrghl

Is there a good literary term for half-assing an ass workout?

I nominate a mysterious puddle of liquid that just appeared in the kitchen.

When I went to see The Producers on Broadway, a group of 20 women with tickets in hand abandoned the line when they discovered that Nathan Lane wouldn’t be there for that show.

No, I’m crying!

Is love dead yet?

My pussy hides in a box all day.

Da Nang, yo.

Right now, the dream is to get a motorcycle and hit the open road.

How can beer be scary?

Old Fashioned

And on a separate note—how long does it take people to get the memo that folks have other shit going on and can’t always immediately reply?

The drinking has consisted of 3 homebrewed beers, possibly to be followed up by an Old Fashioned if I really feel like I want to hate myself tomorrow morning.

Vasectomy gains?

I was about to ask how someone could afford a basement in NYC, much less a basement full of ears, but then I realized the answer must be in the question.