Does that include, even with maximum painkiller dosage, being in such pain that the simple act of preparing and eating food (and, by extension, pooping) is sparingly done?

You’re the advocate we’ve needed all these past six months.

Staring into salads is probably the most natural reaction to meeting Vermin Supreme.

Jack’s Pizza—$3.99 at your finer establishments. #monacle

Not really. Shame Pizza is the pizza you get when you can’t afford good pizza. At least Stress Pizza sounds satisfying.

Cookies! One of my roommates made them this week, and I’m going to try my hand at it while I have the place to myself.

Not a damn thing. Prescribed opiates and alcohol are a no-no, so I will be frighteningly sober as I go out to pick up shame pizza and meringue supplies. World, fear me—i’m baking on painkillers!

Business management or accounting.

Did...did Bobby Finger photoshop her teeth out?

By popular demand, the Sanity Snowpit is open for the winter. This wishing to disconnect from the steady stream of daily fucknuttery are invited to crawl in and hibernate until your personal urge to kill lowers. The bumper pool table is now ferret-free, and the Shock Phyllis Schlafly button has new adjustable…

splunge

I’m more uncomfortable with the arm tattoo staring...just staring at me from behind the shirt. No joke, it’s giving me goosebumps (and not the exciting kind, either).

Cumin.

Found out about this through my Twitter feed—will be attending the blackout meeting with a closed mouth and open ears.

Seriously, you guys

Of course there’s no food in the fridge—they put it all on their family.

Hey, fighting polish! You bring the popcorn, I’ll bring the Faygo.

And I have confused French Montana with Montana Wildhack. We’re all confused. Have a cookie!

Reward = a permanent invitation to Fox & Friends?

I think it’s wonderful that you can speak from a place of neutrality on the bear equality issue. I wish I had your patience.