Between Erin leaving and Bernie Sanders not entering the killzone, it seems like the heartbreak just keeps coming.

Emily Litella is alive and well.

If I smoked too much weed in college, maybe I’d be afraid of deep things too.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...”

Free beer tomorrow!

No, I’M crying!

Of course! Have to bring enough for everybody, right?

Good weed?

Dinsdale!

They can’t even get the swastika right.

Pooping, mostly.

Which is legit what I said when I read the first paragraph. And it took me a second to feel ashamed.

Spent more time in Potomac during my formative years then I care to admit. It surprises me none that they could find enough stuck-up rich people with which to create a reality show. To say nothing of the Gaithersburg residents who got their area’s name changed to North Potomac...

I thought that was something Lena Dunham made up so she had an excuse to visit the State Fair and admire the craftsmanship of the butter sculptures depicting famous country & western singers.

It’s not the condemnation of one of my favorite movies that shocks me; I’m surprised by the presence of an MFA program in Iowa.

In the comedy play A Tuna Christmas, the director of the town Christmas pageant bemoans the state of his rehearsals by noting that he hasn’t had this much trouble with a show since his all-white production of Raisin in the Sun.

Bob bless all of you. I could not handle it.

The constant shrieking laughter that I hear when reading election news will be my laugh track.

And threw that blender into a garbage truck...

Wow, this is cool to see. Guess I should include this in the news report after all.