The drop by Alshon Jeffrey set off the oddest chain reaction in Philadelphia. The next day, the reaction was “You know, without Alshon, the Eagles don’t win the Superbowl. It is a shame he dropped it. More than anything I am disappointed that we didn’t get to see Nick Foles have another shot to complete the drive. It…

You are looking at former WWF wrestler Doink the Clown and someone else dressed like him.  A double Doink, if you will.

Chicago pizza is just lasagna 

I feel great shame now.

Worst home run derby villain would be the Penguin. The Penguin can’t do anything.

“Sheeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiittttttt."

They taste great, but they sit in your gut like a Popeyes’ biscuit.

Hey! As someone who suffers from phallic cephalitis, I am 100% outraged by this blatant slur! FLAGGED FOR HATE SPEECH!11!1"!!!one!

“Well, I thought we were just going to come in for right side tires but we ran into some trouble. The Mountain Dew-Skoal-Chex Mix-Valvoline Cessna was running great all day—got a little loose there at the end of the runway and that was that.”

Mostly missing. We call him "Murray the Stump"

And like Dallas, Brandy’s not gonna get a ring any time soon.

I can’t wait for the Seattle Raisins You Thought Were Chocolate Chips!

A few years ago one of my cousins married a girl from Nashville. The night before the wedding - after driving around past old plantations all day - we go out for drinks on Broadway, and my only takeaway was that the women there were a perfect analogy to the city, the south, and frankly, the entire country: blonde…

It was a child-editing ring in a basement, most likely...

Matt IS Drew. Drew IS Matt. Have you ever seen them in the same room together?

Nelson:

Ryan Fitzpatrick has a bright future awaiting him in an Iron and Wine tribute band.

Sweetness and I both forgive you.

My mistake.

Walter Payton.  Not sponsor.