If you make me stand and eat at your wedding, fuck you. I lived through tortellini on a bamboo skewer in the 80's as a passed hors d’oeuvre and I demand some goddamn respect.

That’s exactly my point.

Event planner here and I approve this message. Just say no to party food that requires more than one hand.

This is a solution in search of a problem, at least in the US and Europe. Plastic ocean pollution is overwhelmingly from Asia and Africa.

Check out my new food truck, Unsmoothed Smoothies, full of organic all-natural unprocessed smoothie ingredients that haven’t been blended into mush where you lose all of the detoxifying antioxidant benefits. Only $14.99 per serving.

God, please don’t. Fighting the latinx bullshit is enough.

‘Smoothie bowls’ make me irrationally angry.

Being forced to stand at parties or receptions, regardless of the type of event, is the absolute worst. You are usually dressed up, in less than comfortable shoes and then they want you to stand up with food, drinks and utensils? That is rude.

May I suggest an all-natural, biodegradable, calcium-rich alternative?

That son of a bitch is always ahead of the trends.

So, Korean food is trending? I have no problem with that.

The problem with this is not spilling, it’s that you need one hand for the bowl and one for the fork and that leaves no hands for a drink. And I need a drink if you want me to talk to people.

I used to be able to hold a plate of food, glass of wine and operate a camera at the same time. Once you let these skills go though they never come back.

I can’t tell if the BBC and Telegraph are just unaware of the fast casual trend, or if they’re just fascinated by the Poors.

I hope the next royal marries an Ethiopian, because we’ll get explanations like this:

“Finger Food: Finger food is larger than a canapé and around a quarter of the size of a main course. Guests…

Yeah, like how Starbucks won’t let us say small, medium and large like real Americans.

Gingerbreadx is the preferred term. It’s like no one even knows how to be woke anymore. #Gingerbreadislife #Notallcookiesmatter #Wokelikeawookie #Nowimjustmakingshitup

My dog was eating out of bowls before it was cool.

I don’t care what it’s called, but I would be pretty annoyed if I went into a shop to purchase a cookie and was corrected that it’s not a gingerbread man but gingerbread person. Only because it’s annoying to correct someone on something you made up on a whim in the face of a lifetime of it being called a “gingerbread…

I really think at some point (probably Bill Clinton’s presidency), conspiracies went from “how can I make this crazy idea sound faintly plausible” to “how can I say something bad about libtards.” So many things that make no sense whatsoever to normal, decent people — the birther thing, Pizzagate, BUT HER EMAILS, paid…