Everyone is being so respectful. God forbid an "innocent" police officer be named. We all like to protect the innocent (unless they're black kids).

Me too, dude. I comment on Gawker all the time, but I'm not followed by them. Just Kotaku and a ton of Gawker subblogs. See you in the greys!

Basically, the star system is back. This is good! Now to get followed by Gawker...

I refer to it as the Ghost Shit. An old friend of mine. We saw each other again this morning.

I've slept naked for the past 6 years and I can't go back to clothed sleeping.

That sounds like some downright terrifying existentialist shit right there, exquisitecorpse. Groundhog Day is one thing, but endless Tuesdays?

They're just trying to get you to look at the ads, maybe click on one by mistake, and leave a comment or two. And here you are.

Goddamn it, I wish I thought of that! That's good hustle right there.

I assumed we were talking nudes here, not emojis.

Do you know why people sext on Tuesdays? Because Tuesday is the worst fucking day of the week. Please, hear me out. Mondays are Mondays: everyone hates them, a lot of people are recovering from the weekend, and they suck. The relative upside to them is that a lot of people will slack on Mondays, or simply not give…

Welcome to Deadspin, you must be new around here.

You must all either be parents, or better people than me, because I absolutely think Sandusky/JoePa are the go-to comebacks to any Penn State fan. That's what happens! That, and the NCAA sanctions and copious civil suits, but let's focus on the real shit: winning petty arguments.

Last time I said that, I got a week of great sex out of it. But the time before, I woke up and I had a dog and it was three years later.

Fuck is New Jersey expensive. Those prices you listed are low compared to my area by several dollars.

Whatever, I liked it.

Fool!

Disagree! The man should be jailed, at minimum.

This is a customer service story I can get behind.

I have slowly been adjusting to cooking my pork to medium in the last year or so. I'm almost there!

Fuck. That was kind of heavy.