You may all judge, but I just want to party with these lovely ladies now.

Perhaps it does. But at least I don't listen to Phish.

Alternative title can be "chat with someone you find attractive until one of you creeps the other out."

I hear you. I dislike both conservatives and Phish. Unfortunately, ALL of my goddamn friends/roommates love it. One of them sees them about 12 times a summer. Awful. Where are my Tinder matches that I can wow with my exquisite taste in music and political leaning?

So I'm a guy, and I'm aware that the ratio of likes to dislikes skews wildly from men to women, but I had to chime in to say that I don't know any guys who have gone on a date off of Tinder to date. Even my "good looking" roommate, who gets plenty of matches, has yet to take it to that level. I figured it's…

Oh, you went out on a date with my roommate? I'd want to bail, too.

She must have the worst effort to taste ratio in the world.

Relax. Why are you yelling? Calm down! Stop this tirade!

Why are you taking it so personally? Some people benefit from it.

This is me. I'm 26 and coming off a three year relationship. I've been single for about 2 years out of the last decade+ of my life, and so my biggest "issue" is that I need to learn to just be me, not me the boyfriend.

You're absolutely right about that being 2/3rds of it (that's why they pay you the big bucks!).

Preach, brother. That's the approach I take as well, cuz why not?

OK, I just wanted confirmation that she went home with you.

Hold on...I need you to elaborate more on what occurred.

People may not like this, but it's 100% the absolute best advice. After college, my college girlfriend and I broke up. Long story short, I decided to, for the first time in my life, get into shape. It takes months and it's hard, but next thing you know I had several women interested.

She said he had a boyfriend. Regardless of whether it's true or not (and there's no reason to doubt her), that's game over, dude.

I wouldn't know. The intro happened where you're in the lobby and the monster things come from the ceiling and then they're like "Go investigate" and I was like uhhhhhh I'm going to play something else.

So this looks awesome but, alas, I will never play it. I wouldn't make it five fucking minutes. I don't do scary shit.

Listen. Seriously, how many grooms freak out about the details of their wedding? Do you think it's a significant number? Because I certainly do not.

Oh ok. Because new panty vending machines isn't weird at all.