Fun fact: Henry J. Heinz, founder of the company known for the ketchup, was a second cousin of Friedrich Trump, paternal grandfather of the Impeachident.

This only exists to tantalize us with what could have been.

Pre-pooped TP? Gross.

The number of people who move through life assuming someone else will clean up after them is positively staggering.

Cole Young is just Cole Younger without the -er.

Same thing with Sam Worthington, the one guy from Avatar you don’t remember.

See also: Sam Worthington.

Such a shame. Switching to “J. Anne Hathaway” would have been much better.

I’m always going to remember Armie Hammer as the guy with the talent to push Johnny Depp’s highly problematic Tonto character aside and and come out as the worst thing in The Lone Ranger.

Is it better than Drain Addict?

Was that plane in a museum? I thought it might be, but then I thought that was far, far too dumb to do (even though they do it with a car in Demoloition Man), so I think I tricked my brain into thinking, “nah, they had to have gone to an airport, not the Air and Space Museum.”

Can Bardem get his captive bolt gun back?

She should team up with The Watcher. Then we could have Queen Latifah and Sir Mix-a-Lot in one show.

Much like Panda Express (which serves NO panda dishes), the name is misleading.

You could put a period after “insecure” and get a lot more mileage out of that sentence.

Olive Garden doesn’t have paper on the table and crayons. It can be a deal-breaker.

Yelp. I meant Yelp.

But he’s still good on Yext and Pinterest, right? Surely he has some restaurant reviews and craft projects he could share.

Half of that museum is in a Roman-style villa (the Getty Villa). If its driveway is not already called the Via Getty, it’s a missed opportunity.

The really fun bunch are the ones in your #2 that also collect some kind of check or benefit that comes from the government (disability, food assistance, rent assistance, etc.) and simultaneously bitch about all the <some racist term for non-white people> on welfare.