Did he have a ponytail and wear a turtleneck? Because I feel like only dudes who have ponytails and wear turtlenecks say things like, "let's explore each other."

I actually liked that movie since the point of it was that his initial way of thinking about women was fucked up. It was kind of an anti-MPDG movie.

My husband definitely gets his emotional connections from me 90% of the time. He doesn't understand some of my friendships. For a long time I thought that was because I am an only child who grew up without extended family around, so I think of my friends like he thinks of his family... but really, I think it is that…

Mine is a stable with horses that I ride around, and an attractive person who comes in the afternoon to play piano while I sing some stuff.

Your boyfriend is fucking hilarious.

And if you ever settle down for long-term with one person, it'll be like "Oh, so you were straight after-all," or "Oh, so you were a lesbian the whole time." Argh.

I really wish people wouldn't be so quick to accuse women of saying they're bisexual just for the publicity or just for male attention. It puts sooooooo much pressure on the rest of us to constantly be proving that we're "real bisexuals". Personally, I'd rather my love life be none of your damn business.

I can only imagine Justin Bieber trying to convince prostitutes to have sex with him dressed as Oogie Boogie. That's my headspace for today.

Man, Fiona Apple is awesome.

On behalf of all of Canada, I would like to officially disown the Biebs.
At this point is he really even a Canadian? Or a travelling circus/music industry child?

OH, PLEASE TELL ME THIS WILL BE A REGULAR THING.

Willow and Jaden are celebrities themselves, having appeared in films and made recordings and videos, etc. Sure, they got to do those things because of having famous parents — but so did Miley Cyrus, Ben Taylor, etc. The difference here is that Chili's son is not trying to launch an entertainment career and he's not…

It's a close run thing but of those listed I'm going to go for:

I'm pretty sure white wine is the drink of choice for people who are trying to quit drinking. So, I mean, maybe you could use white wine to beat your red wine habit.

Red wine is only dangerous when you bring the bottle to your mouth too fast and you accidently chip a tooth.

HOLY FUCK WITH YOUR OBNOXIOUS SMUGNESS, BATMAN. Do you feel better now?

History does not support such an assertion. Antisemitism is the most insidious and universal racism of the last 2000 years. Being polite to a gang of frothing bigots isn't going to magically transform them into decent people.

OK, OK! You are Marjoram! Nobody else can be Marjoram! Done!

Marjoram! Marjoram! Oh god I am so excited by this prospect that the only contribution I have to give is my spice name.

Excuse me, Laura Beck, but around these parts Jezebel I am the one and only "Post Spice."