I have a friend who spilled boiling water on his foot as a child. They grafted a patch from his butt, and now he has curly butt hairs on his butt-foot.

You also missed an opportunity...

Penis Man is catchy, but it’s no Baby Shark.

Eleanor is reincarnated at the end of The Good Place and winds up in Arizona again. She reacts accordingly.

Don’t forget it really gave organized crime a huge leg up! 

Over-under on how many of these fine statesmen (or, more often, their wives) have smuggled a daughter into the clinic under cover of darkness? I’m going with 8000%. 

Until we, as a nation, band together to ensure everyone knows that mediocre or worse politicians are 100% unfuckable and should not be bred with, we will remain afflicted by their ever-replenishing spawn.

Sounds like you’re doing your part.

They’re really mean girls.

Women in Saudi Arabia can’t drive? I’d never know that if the GOP didn’t constantly point that out.

It’s appalling that there are any physicians who would agree to this shit in the first place. It’s completely unethical to do a pelvic exam for this “purpose” TO BEGIN WITH. TI is gross for wanting it, but the MD is even more gross for doing it.

Here’s how colleges and universities should handle sexual assault:

I went into my wife’s phone settings and made it to whenever she texts “k” it autocorrects to “Okely Dokely”

Why would you do this to the vegans? They had the perfect excuse to avoid this muck. 

Nope.

THIS.  Believe it or not I actually like to read articles!

”None of them turned out to be a serial killer“

Nah - bad pizza is still bad pizza, even if it is pizza.

How To Give A Lazy Blowjob:

If you’re going to be lazy about it, then don’t bother. Have some enthusiasm about it.