Because sometimes, when you're poor and an asshole and you're angry at "the man," you just really, really want a free 50" TV.

Manziel may be a giant douchebag, but if some fat, sweaty stranger approaches me in a hotel lobby and tells me he loves me and is going to give me a hug, I'd probably punch him in the face too. I realize that nowhere in the report does it specify that this "victim" is either fat or sweaty, but I'm just assuming as…

And there goes the only reason to watch the Bills play the Jets. Would've been entertaining to see those two teams flail about in the on-field snowdrifts.

I'll have you know, the Major Arena Soccer League is the 12th-fastest-growing indoor sports league in North America. Get on the bandwagon now!

Is that the Charles Barkley Chaos Dunk?

Will there be a co-op mode that allows you to run aimlessly around nondescript forests for hours at a time with your friends?

Oh, your virgin eyes! It's so horrible that you had to be subjected to a bad word on the internet. I hope you can one day recover from this travesty.

The guy in that stock photo really looks thrilled to be having a child.

Why are soccer fans all such hypersensitive pussies? My initial comment was completely innocuous. Yet you — and all other soccer fans I've ever accidentally insulted online — act as though I just called your mother a filthy whore. I'm sorry that you've chosen to follow a sport that not everyone is into... but there's…

I wasn't joking. Now that I read the letter itself closely, I assume it's MLS, but in just reading the article, I wasn't sure if it was MLS, WNBA, Minor League Baseball, Arena Football or some sort of strange hacky-sack league that might've started up in the Pacific Northwest.

I honestly have no idea what sport this is in regards to.

This was posted 15 hours ago to Reddit, where it currently has 640 comments. Good to see that the new Kotaku initiative of covering current games and the ways that people play them does indeed officially mean "stealing stuff from other, better websites."

Mr. Totilo, nobody comes here to read Patricia Hernandez's inane regurgitations of stuff she saw on Reddit, I promise you. You wanna focus more on games that people are currently playing? Great. But copying and pasting stories and videos that I can find elsewhere — where I wouldn't have to sift through Hernandez's…

I don't understand... what do you mix your vodka with when you're already hammered but want to keep drinking?

Goddamn, Japan, what the hell is wrong with you? Admittedly, we churn out a lot of shitty music over here in America, but at least it's performed by humans.

I've never felt dumber than when attempting to figure out how to write Android apps. I felt like I would have to take a few months off from work to study up and truly get the hang of it. So I gave up on the idea completely. Godspeed to all of you who are more committed to the pursuit than I...

I really don't understand the appeal of PS Now in its current "rent a bunch of old games that you could buy for the same price" state. From a technological standpoint, is there any reason Sony couldn't set a flat monthly price and let users play any games they want, for as long as they'd like? Because that's the only…

I tried to follow this helpful advice for a presentation I did this morning. Now I'm just known as Sales Guy with a Boner. Thanks, Lifehacker! :(

I live in the South. It was 137 degrees outside over the weekend. If you were to wear pants in such weather, Greg Howard, you'd be a goddamn idiot. And most assuredly, not "cool."

I never watched True Blood, so I can't speak to the final episode's quality... but in the internet age, is it even possible to end a long-running TV show without at least a few people saying stuff like, "That was garbage! How dare they end the series on such an awful note?!?" I feel like, no matter how good a finale…