I hate to break it to you and anyone else who doesn't drink, but if you were to look outside tonight at, say, 12:30am or later, roughly ninety percent of the headlights you see are attached to a car being driven by someone who's at least a little tipsy. It's just the way it goes. As long as they don't plow into your…

And we've found him... the one guy who has never driven drunk, even in the slightest. Everyone say hello to the most upstanding person on earth.

Why is Kingdoms of Amalur still $30? They can't possibly still be selling any copies of that, can they? I have a mild interest in playing it, but after not being blown away by the demo and then the studio imploding before I had a chance to purchase it, I'm not sure I could see that game as anything more than a $20…

In 1987 maybe. Not anymore. But those are nice-looking cards.

I have not seen a single report of a PS4 potentially costing $700. You might wanna check your sources.

The big question, obviously, is if he was looking at 27-year-old chicks who just happen to be wearing their hair in pigtails and catholic schoolgirl uniforms while they're getting fucked by the sleazy guy in the video, or if they were, you know, actual young girls. I wonder if his haggy old wife could truly tell the…

I'm currently working my way through Final Fantasy 7 via an emulator on my Samsung Galaxy, and while I played the shit out of that game in 1998, it really is remarkable how slow it seems now. Between the huge amount of silly chatter between characters and the annoying random encounters, it feels like a vastly…

Thanks for your thoughts on the matter, Grandpa. Some people, though, don't have the money or the space to purchase and store old, outdated systems and the out-of-print games that came with them. But if your method makes you happy, why do you care what others do? This is why they paint cars different colors.

Apparently you've never seen my secret sex dungeon.

This may be true, but Patricia Hernandez still comes off as a horribly self-absorbed writer who doesn't really have many original thoughts or ideas but is nonetheless desperate for attention of any kind. I just skip her articles these days. They're all pointless.

How about the mission inside the Tron-esque world in Saints Row the Third?

Oh, fantastic. I can't wait to show all of my Facebook friends videos of me dying every six seconds in Battlefield 4.

Bring it. I'm an adult now. I have a bit of disposable income. I'm ready for a $500 PS4.

I didn't know snowmobile jumping was a thing until recently, and now that I do, I'm all in favor of the X-Games getting rid of it. It may be what these "athletes" love, but so what? We don't have to embrace it. There are people out there who love juggling chainsaws as well, but that doesn't mean it has to be included…

It's about time a black man finally gets an opportunity to shine in the racist, cutthroat world of the NFL.

You know what's funny? That sponsored post that popped up today (the one about Sony's 13 for '13 sale) looks exactly like one of destructoid.com's regular "you need to buy this now" posts. I know that this is unrelated to this mental disorder post, but I can't comment on the sponsored one, so I apologize.

It's amazing how fast one can read these Jamboroos when they consist of nothing but stupid reader stories that you skim right through. Seriously, I finished this one in about 2.5 seconds. Congratulations on another column in the books, Drew! Give yourself a pat on the back, sir!

If you're Manti Te'o and you'll be getting loudly heckled by opposing NFL players and fans in about six months regardless of what you say or do now, wouldn't it be better to acknowledge that you're a giant liar who was seeking to inspire your team and win a Heisman in the process? In this day and age, is it really so…

Recently switched from iPhone to a Samsung Galaxy S3. While Android has a few quirks that I'm still not used to (so many settings!), I love the expandable storage. Added a 64gb MicroSD card and proceeded to copy over my entire music library and a bunch of Playstation ROMs for the FPse emulator. And the ability to use…

This is not the game you're looking for. You'll be bored to tears by it. It's extremely dull and ridiculously repetitive. There is one city in the entire game (along with three or four little forts) and 99% of the game consists of running along the same road or two, completing nonsensical quests that have nothing to…