I don't see how you could pinpoint a specific person from such a ridiculous Parnell character

I really have a hard time with all these "we have to reach out, understand, sympathize, etc. etc.".

I visited a friend in St.Louis who had raved and raved about Lion's Choice. I politely nibbled on my salt sandwhich while calculating how much I would have to eat before being able to plausibly declare that I was simply too full to have another bite.

I hate to rain on the parade, but Breitbart is selling covfefe coffee mugs. They ruin everything.

He was a slum lord with white artists as tenants instead of poor brown people.

No idea why people are so against deadly ignorance with a "I'm trying to do good" facade these days. Or against the belief that actions should be absolved of consequences. Or why our sympathy for these kinds of people is waning. It's inscrutable.

'Side to side' not 'up and down', 'horizontal' not 'vertical', 'parallel to the floor' not 'perpendicular', all would have prevented me from being a smartass little shit about applying 2D directions in a 3 dimensional space. This is the internet, they should know better.

Vici, Vidi, Veni.

Domus takes the locative!

Really? I'm always upset that it's singular. You'll never get a proper guzzle going with only one.

I feel the part about floppy dicks should have implied the sarcasm, but yet, here we are.

I've always preferred Life of Brian over Holy Grail, but only slightly (they both continue to slay me on repeat viewings.)

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Well it had all the bad things associated with Catholic school as well. Although ironically our sex scandal involved a layman science teacher and an older girl. Which sucks, because we didn't get that sweet sweet settlement money the boys in the Catholic school across town got.

I'm going to sue strip clubs for only having women dancers. Hooters for only having women servers. Uniform policies that allow women to wear tight revealing shorts and require men to wear pants. Coyote Ugly for only allowing women to dance on the bar.

Depends if the human was still using the brain when the robot took it.

Yeah, I went to a Catholic school and one no nonsense nun teacher decided to tell that to a class of 5th graders. It went over about as well as you would think.

I generally don't care about the "shaking v stirred" argument (it's a personal preference so who cares), but I will forever judge someone who gets a manhattan shaken. I'm petty that way.

Or as I call it, a cocktologist.

When someone asks me how they can make a fizz at home I almost always recommend using a blender (I recommend a bullet blender based solely on tests I've run at home, I don't know if there's a scientific reason it works better. More effective whipping because less room to splash around? I dunno.)