He looks like he went to a plastic surgeon and said “gimme the Popeye”:

Also breakfast foods are the best foods.

I know his theme song.

When I really have to poop but the RHONY are fighting and I can’t miss the drama face?

YES!!!!!

“I still don’t know where my cat is.”

So love...ed?

We have a piper down!

“Lookit the heed on th’ buy, it’s like an ah-denj on a toothpick.” (Going for phonetic spelling, you gotta do it in the accent.)

Omg yaaaaas!!!

Only semi-relevant, but: “So I Married An Ax Murderer” is the most underrated comedy of all time.

The only acceptable set was this one. Aside from the odd pattern you’d have to suffer through, that’s about it.

I thought it was funny....

This Victoria’s Secret Angels outtake photo is one way to respond, but I don’t know if it’s quite right.

Her breakdown was due to untreated bipolar disorder. Lots of people with untreated mental illness abuse alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism. It doesn’t mean they’re lifelong addicts who can’t learn to moderate consumption once they’re well. I mean - controversial opinion, but I don’t buy that addiction is a…

Someone also told me it's bad for your butt to sit that way for an extended period of time. Poop and get out, fellas!

Every time my husband goes in there I think he's had a heart attack or something. It always takes forever. Why?? Men are weird.

Impossible, men can't poop in under a half an hour.

Someone tell T-Pain that the trick is to get on and get off before you form a vacuum seal.

Zhang saw him on the news. She never came to the airport because SHE thought HE was joking about meeting her. She wants to continue the relationship after he gets out of the hospital for his severe case of Steve Buscemi.

Thanks - that is very helpful. Yes, I meant that I was confused by the tone of the article, which seemed to imply there was something untoward about the request when it seemed completely uncontroversial to me.