My beautiful and lovely great-grandmother lived to be 103. She died in 1990. Her husband died from an infected hog bite (!) when she was 40. She never remarried. She lived most of her life without him. So weird to consider! And they had five kids. She was a spunky farm woman who lived alone until she was in her 90s.…

You anti-milkites are a scourge. I shake my plump, milk-fed fist at you!!!

Please let me do one in Vegas. Please let me do one in Vegas. Please let me do one in Vegas. Please let me do one in Vegas.

THIS IS MY FAV PROCEDURAL DRAMA

Cue a bunch of white people in the greys talking about their experiences with people touching their hair.

BACK IN MY DAY WE WORE 3 SUIT JACKETS WHILE WATCHING TV AND WENT SWIMMING IN WEDDING DRESSES.

One of my favorite weirdo Oscar moments of all time was when 12 Monkeys got nominated for costume design. That year they had models wear costumes from the nominated films while walking a runway. So, it was like 1) big foofy dress, 2) big foofy dress, 3) dude in elaborate kilt (Braveheart), 4) dude in spacesuit…

*sips skinny whole-milk nonalcoholic Irish macchiato* from their monogrammed thermos

"I actually won't apply for a job that requires a cover letter"

This is pretty much all my experiences on OKCupid, in a nutshell:

There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,…

You're kind of a scumbag.

I can actually help with the Filipino version of this, if you're interested. Maybe the ladies of Jezebel would like to know about the "kikay kits" we have filled with face wash and other things that make us look fresh-faced despite unrelenting humidity and the national obsession with skin-lightening treatments!

One quick point regarding Heidi Montag's father... the man accused is her biological father, not the stepfather who raised her who we saw on The Hills. The articles and reports I see on this (correctly) refer to him as her dad, but so many people watched that show and saw her interact with her stepfather and call…

Feuding should be kept in the Family.

I wore my mom's dress. As she handed over the box to me, she said, "I'm sure you will have to take it in A LOT. I was very chunky in 1968." Cut to me trying on the dress a few weeks later at the alteration place. Dress fit me like a glove. That was like delayed shade.

Back before my face and body submitted to gravity, I spent two years shaking my ass at a relatively 'classy' chain in the south. We had to wear gowns on the floor while cruisin' for customers, and if some of the more *assertive* ladies happened to catch anyone giving extras in the VIP, they would get the shit kicked…

HI EVERYONE I was a guest at this very party. Pretty much all of your horrified fantasies of us all arriving as a nervous giggly unexpected mob of 60 stingy assholes who only brought $40 each/did not tip/generally behaved in an obnoxious and disrespectful way are false.

I'll pass these along. Am VERY partial to "suggestive motionologist"