I really enjoy their group chant: “We are Sounders! Bum-ba-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum!”

Hey that piece of shit nestled between that pig’s enormous testicles looks just like Jim Spanfeller! Uncanny!

These things are to be expected when you’re physically incapable of throwing a baseball 60 feet.

The Taubman Curse is a beautiful thing to watch.

Too much of mom’s chili

“Taubman, a former fantasy baseball expert and investment banker...”

Jason Garrett is the white Marvin Lewis, only because he’s the Cowboys head coach and their owner is Rich Texan, they’ll oftentimes be fraudulently listed as Super Bowl contenders, only to hilariously be smacked by a good team.

You mean how lucky WE’VE been. The thought of him dealing with a true catastrophic event of scale is terrifying.

Always too soon.

Dear Mr. Johnson STOP

Jesus Christ, Travis Tritt looks like Renee Zellweger disguised as Travis Tritt.

I’ll have a good cry, but only because he was only just some hotshot young phenom, and if he’s not young anymore, what the fuck am I?

As a Twins fan, we had this similar moment when Joe Mauer took the field in his catcher’s gear for one last inning at Target Field.

Pffffft. It’s just locker room talk, snowflakes!

Group chat’s gonna be lit tonight

Steve finally took my advice and grabbed her by the pussy! (can you believe this picture? As if our enemies didn’t have enough ammo to mock US on...)

“According to Miller, Waldman is from Canada and he met her at summer camp and she has a great face and a smoking hot body and is totally a 11 or even an 12.”