Who said I, or anyone on earth, is supposed to be tolerant about absolutely everything? I’m intolerant of lots of things. Stupidity, for example.

Because you bleat about them constantly, and they’re so embarrassingly stupid as to be easily memorable. Plus there’s this amazing new thing (it is neither new nor amazing) where you can click on some dumbass’ name and see every dumbassed thing they have ever posted, and you’re a nonstop factory of idiotic rightwing…

Congratulations, you have earned 100 dillars from Deadspon.

You know, maybe you’d be less exhausted about constantly having to defend your idiotic political values if you, y’know, had slightly less idiotic political values?

Some thought the money would go to his head, but he’s still humble enough to be repping his Junior High.

all the pouting, twerking, ass slapping, booty shaking, chest strutting

One of the best places in the universe for a while was a dance club party in the early 2000’s in the East Village called Opaline which was a lesbian hip hop party. It was amazing. It was like this.

Last night I was at a party with a bunch of athletic 13- and 14-year-old girls. Other than the skimpy clothes (though almost all of them had pretty tight leggings or tights or whatever it is that they call those things), their dancing and recording each other was very similar to this. And there were no boys around…

Great, I am sure the Australian media will spin this a different way.

It’s on the secret menu. Gotta know how to ask for it.

July 31, 2011: Announced he had been diagnosed with Boarderline Personality Disorder, and has been undergoing treatment to understand and manage his condition ever since.

Been one of my favorites since jump kicking the kicker

You can tell he’s a true Bills fan because he’s so comfortable working from behind.

Somewhere, a Florida land developer fondly recalls the time he tortured Mark Brunell’s bank accounts to death.

“ I peeked at 11.”

This is Deadspin, not Gawker. You should have gone with Mark Chmura.

I probably had the cutest girlfriend in all of sixth grade.

He deleted the original tweet, so it’s a screengrab. Take a break, Jeff. Everything’s okay.

Nonwhite Christians only count as 3/5ths of a regular Christian, which rounds down to Muslim. (It’s true! Just ask Obama!)