When I first saw the Seinfeld episode “The Stand-In,” that line from George, “I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off,” made me laugh. Ha ha, I said to myself. It’s funny because that’s wildly inappropriate. Little did I know that men all over the country were sent into…

“How do I get this woman I work with to have sex with me? I know, I’ll send her a video of me jacking it. That’ll do the trick.”

Yes, to the Yankees. It only cost $295 million. Pretty sweet basket.

Next up: climate change denial Wall-E comics.

What’s the most unusual thing you’ve eaten and enjoyed on a pizza?

Big star for “Hair of the Lamb of Christ”

Nah, they don’t let you have that much of it and there’s always lil “bits o’ christ” floating around in there from the people who fucking refuse to swallow their body wafers before drinking the wine. Backwash city

During the few years between graduating college and moving out of my parents, if I got shithoused on a Saturday night and woke my parents up when I’d walk in at 3:00am, my dad would drag me out of bed the next morning to go 7:00am mass.

Is there any worse place to be hungover than IKEA?

“If The NFL owners can get together and kick out Double-J, can we all get together and kick Alabama out of the country?”

Native #1: The first three names we gotta remember are Joe Smith, George Johnson, and Thomas Williams for Plymouth. They have a lot of ... um, apparently...

I guarantee that these are the kinds of dudes who lament the fact that all the literate young people leave Northwest Iowa for Des Moines or Omaha at the very least, if not the Twin Cities or Chicago.

I mean, jesus fucking christ what does it take with you people

If you guys are willing to report on Gawker alums committing sexual harassment/assault, what’s with the radio silence about Greg Howard? He was literally named on Twitter by the other Gawker alum he assaulted.

We’ve got people in our office - I work in government - who endlessly try to set up after work functions that are billed as “team building.” I avoid it and them at all costs because I don’t drink and don’t especially care anything about the dullards I work with. There, I said it.

Can’t be shocked by any of this. It’s “Rocky Top”, not “Smooth, Well-Executed Top”.

Omg, my mother and I had to school my younger brother on that in a major way a couple of years ago. Somehow Clinton/Lewinsky got brought up in conversation and he was like “Well she was an adult...” and we were like “Uh how about you shut up and listen to us while we explain power differentials to you.”

Friendly reminder, relationships between superiors and subordinates are presumptively coercive!

“Bill Belichick hires him, so he’s a good dude” is the weirdest defense. Belichick would have his players sleep inside murdered hobos like tauntauns if he thought it would give him a slight edge.

That lead GIF is now the featured exhibit at the Blue Balls Hall of Fame.