In all fairness (bear with me please), if I had a dick that looked like a thumb with Sean Hannity's face on it how could I NOT share it with everyone I worked with at Fox News?

We’re at a very weird, unsettling point in modern journalism, when we can look at a conspiracy-prone ideologue like Sean Hannity and think, “Well, at least he keeps his dick in his pants.”

It's meant to book-end with the first story set in the 1800's with a lawyer hiding a runaway slave. All the slaves have extensive tribal tattoos and David Keith is one of them speaking in Not So Great For Reasons English and my first thought was "Wow, Keith David is not having a good time and it shows." So it's meant…

Yeah, rich guys do just fine if they have money to pay for protection. Provided he has any liquidity.

Y'know, minimum security is no picnic either. I have a client currently in there for tax evasion. He tells me the trick is: kick someone's ass on your first day, or become somebody's bitch.

Speaking of Magnolia, the other day in a chat program my friends use to keep in touch one of them said "I'm watching Cloud Atlas. It is astoundingly bad." Another friend said he tried watching it but quit partway through. As someone who feels sitting through the entirety of a terrible movie is necessary to fully…

Gibson does what he does well: make martyr biopics with a strongly xenophobic final act and just when you're all "wait that was a little uncomf-" BAM INSULTINGLY OVERT IMAGERY OF CLEANSING BAPTISM AND CRUCIFIXION/SALVATION and you're all "Jesus Christ" and Mel Gibson is all "oh, you picked up on that good good good"

What's your name, sir?! ANSWER ME!

But art is so important. Prove it with math. If you could. Do math. But you can't.

I was learning more towards Eternal College Randian Conservative (either Libertarian or Republican but just as equally likely to bristle if you designate him as the wrong one) but then I found his "Prove art is important with math if you could" reply to someone and ohhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiit who even says things like that…

Stop it, Dunky. Half the time you share a storefront with an ice cream counter. You are the last company to start putting on artisanal airs.

"I could have been in Taken!"

"In baseball that's a 0.625 batting average so I'm, like, the Babe Ruth of not going to prison!"

*flood of alt right douchebags descend to ruin it*

Wilfred did it better. Just sayin.

Good thing he's giving his Presidential salary away. How bigly of him.

The other 20 is going towards Hard Lemons on Fanfiction.net, as well.

Everyone check out Brandon Brindle, champion of the common man taking on the artsy fartsy elite! Except no. No, you're not. Public funding of the arts largely benefits not-for-profit community theaters, museums, libraries (which you vacuously dismissed earlier upthread in a stunning display of elitism it boggles the…

Brandon's go-to insult is "you have a degree in English". It's such a weirdly specific insult that's more bewildering than insulting.

"Honey, Ladies do NOT Love Cool Jared. And you know this."