I was only in there to get directions on how to get away from there!

I’d watch that

As a Twins fan, I remember having a young guy who threw amazing mid-90s sliders, and then his arm blew up, and now he’s an ok pitcher for the Pirates. I do hope Mets fans don’t go through that, becuase it was heart-wrenching to see talent like that blow up.

The NFL’s just concerned for his health. After all, they read an article once about how weed can cause memory loss, and that is nothing the NFL wants to be associated with!

This is the problem with a lot of 3rd wave “choice” feminism that sees anything as feminist as long as it’s the choice of a woman. I know that litmus tests have their own sets of problems, but unless there are certain things that either are or are not feminist, we end up with this sort of thing: Women Now Empowered by…

“there would be no college baseball players, soccer players, ice hockey players, field hockey players, track athletes, etc.”

Jesus, you can’t even parody being that in the tank for Hilary

This is by far the best regular feature on Deadspin. Please let this continue all season.

But now when I shout “Kobe!” before throwing a crimplued-up piece of paper at the garbage can and completely missing, I’m technically being accurate.

Standard white hipster nonsense

What’s it like with the ability to see the future? Do the Cubs ever win the world series? Or are you only able to see alternate future election scenarios? Because you can obviously see those, since you feel so comfortable reporting what would happen in them.

Ok, but what about those of us who say that if Bernie doesn’t get the nomination, we’re voting for Jill Stein? Are we sexist, too?

Ok, so how many different female politicians do we have to support before we can discuss Hilary’s faults without being sexist?

Do you get tired of repeating tired right-wing talking points?

University prof here — tenure ain’t magic. There are a large number of reasons a tenured prof can be fired. Really all tenure means is that they can’t be fired for their work or most of what they say in the classroom (after all, the purpose is to preserve academic freedom). Committing any of a large number of crimes,…

“about his employees stealing database information.”

Well, you see, when Goldman Sachs won’t give you hundreds of thousands of dollars for private speeches which you refuse to release to the public, you gotta get money somehow...

“You want a revolution, go fucking vote!”

As someone who just signed up for it, I’m blown away by how many people’s profiles are things like their wedding pictures or pictures of them with someone who is obviously their boyfriend/husband/partner. I mean, you do you, but those seem like really odd choices for profile pics on a dating app.

When I was a middle schooler in rural Iowa, I got to go to the Iowa Childrens’ Writers Workshop, a distaff cousin of the famous version for adults. Anyway, I got to have a piece I had written workshopped by Gordon Korman, and to this day have a signed copy of A Semester in the Life of a Garbage Bag proudly displayed…