Chocolate chip cookies made with Kerrygold are the BEST chocolate chip cookies. If you disagree I will be very disappointed that you are missing out on one of the finer things in life.

Ehhhhhhhh, pretty sure it’s the AFC North though!

Hey you guys hear about this thing now? Apparently that wrestler Mr. Perfect is playing football now. Yeah he’s playing for the Cincinnati Bungholes or something. He’s out there hittin’ people with folding chairs, dropkicks, givin’ running backs atomic suplexes. Apparently the football league’s commissioner, Vince…

Google’s algorithm pushes sites behind a paywall down in the search result rankings. To get around this, WSJ allows any traffic coming from a Google search to read the articles for free. This allows them to maintain their rankings in searches and be one of the higher ranked results for stories on the “News” tab for…

Too easy.

Hey did you guys hear about this thing now? Apparently...you know what. Fuck it. Forget being “in character” with this novelty account. Real talk time.

+1 sandwich tray at a doctor’s office

Real estate and car dealerships mainly.

Ehhhhhhhhh, pretty sure he’ll expand the draft age though.

I heard the same thing from my fry oil guy, Peanut Pat. He sells peanut oil but he’s allergic to peanuts. Has to inject himself with one-a dem epic pens 6 or 7 times a day. Good guy though.

Ehhhhhhh pretty sure it’s still not okay though.

Hey did you guys hear about this thing now? Apparently a bunch of the Browns are going around with their uniforms on scaring kids. Yeah every Sunday they’re extremely frightening to people who see them. I heard it from my flammable water guy, Cuyahoga Carl!

Yotes? Where’d they get that nickname, the bad nickname store?

Hey did you guys hear about this thing? Apparently people are expecting professionalism from Deadspin now. Yeah I heard it from my gold chain guy, Spencedog Redacted.

Big news from college football. You heard about this thing now? Supposedly this guy from Michigan and this guy from Ohio State are competing to see who can be the biggest twit. Yeah I heard about it from my hot dog guy, Urban Meyer.

Hey you guys hear about this thing now? Apparently the St. Louis Cardinals have been 86'd.

So uh, you guys hear about this thing now? Apparently there’s a big deal with the oil industry in North Dakota. Yeah all the wells in Fargo are under investigation. I heard about it from my shoe guy, Loafin’ Lenny.

Hey have you guys heard about Sammy Watkins? Supposedly he’s havin’ some big money problems. Yeah, for like the second week in a row now he can’t pay for the bills.

So uh, here’s a big story. Big, big story. You hear about this? Yeah so apparently Donald Trump has a sex tape now. Yeah he Tweeted about it and everything. Wants us all to watch it. But you didn’t hear it from me.

Preeeeeetty sure he’s gonna be back this season though. I heard it from my popcorn guy, Hackin’ Pat. He’s got the popcorn lung thing. Great guy though.