He's probably like a cowboy, with a gun on each hip.

Seriously, I love Doge and I haven't seen this one. Thanks for posting it. :)

Hahaha. Much penis. So girth. Wow.

Haha. My perverted thought was, "if most men fantasize about having two people giving them a blowjob, does that mean he can be blown by four people at once?"

Thanks for returning the laugh! Oh shit, I just started coughing at my desk and everyone looked to see if I was choking on something.

I can feel the self esteem of many men deflating as we speak.

I misread some of this as "piece of shit" when I saw the name Shia LeBeouf. Ah, word association. Thanks, brain!

#stopblamingwhitewomenweneedunity

"Fuck yes, Hamilton Nolan just recommended my joke about autism!"

I'm not a woman, so I should be eating steak or on a conference call or something.

Cocktail onions - or pickled onions for salad (HAHA) and Bloody Marys - skate by because I have better things to do than stock on jars of mini-onions in vinegar. Like drinking Bloody Marys and not eating salad.

Easy, Limbaugh. A handful of vicodin will make you feel better.

Is it fat-shaming to point out that being fat is bad for you

I mean, how hard is it to separate a bulb, smack it with the flat edge of a chef's knife, remove the skin, and give it a quick chop?

I friend of mine buys minced garlic in jars. I am horrified by this. A bulb of fresh garlic costs, like, fifty cents! I do not understand people.

"BESH-del".

Representation matters but I need more than two women talking about their rent or job to consider them "strong".

As an aside, I was looking up a recipe for gnocchi the other day and I found a Food Network recipe that listed the primary ingredient as frozen gnocchi.

Alternate headlines time!