Little known fact: Mariah Carey's range is so high, she can communicate with dolphins and bats.

If you're not legally authorized to work in the US, they can't hire you.

Sometimes i go clubbing, have sex with someone, and then go back to the club to pick up my second victim.

According to her Twitter, CompSci.

I'm British, and the first time I was served deep dish I basically face planted into it.

I am merely a man of passion. Especially about delicious pizza.

He set her up at a luxury hotel. He took her on a once-in-a- lifetime, fairy-tale date. … Was Ms. Sabourin wrong to think that this was more than a one-night stand?

Don't tell the employees that or they'll just stand around doing nothing.

You offering? :) Ignore that feeling against your thigh. I swear it's just a pack of cigarettes in my pocket.

I will happily fight anyone who slams deep dish to my face. I love both pizzas. But I am, at heart, a sauce whore. Great tomato sauce makes a pizza for me to the extent that if I like a pizza place's marinara I will request they slop it on by the bucketful, leading to everything else sliding off the slice and flopping…

Thanks for taking time out of your day to post on the internet on a thread about pizza that you are totally above the fray and have better things to do.

How about dude #1 stops with the "bros before hos" nonsense, realizes that in the REAL WORLD pussy takes precedence above all else, rolls with the punches, and stops being a fucking child and scared of change and, idk, gets to know his friend's girl and learn to enjoy her company?

I was embarrassed at the grocery store when my credit card was declined.

I don't even like pumpkin, so I can't understand why everyone gets excited that Starbucks has another container of artificially flavored gel for baristas to use for a couple of months. I guess it gives the Ugh Boots crowd something to tweet about, so hooray for that.

God, that is some juvenile rhyming madlibs shit.

This is some Horse eBooks shit.

BUSH PUSH.

"You may HAVE a phone and I don't rehearse anymore."

I can't wait to be old and rich. I'm going to behave like SUCH an asshole. Zero fucks!

"Daddy will get you a Senate seat as soon as we get home!"