If I ever have a daughter, I would want to know that she can kill for domination, control, and humiliation if that's what she chooses.

Okay okay hear me out.

Chocolate milk is delicious and essentially just cold hot chocolate. I will drink it for the rest of my life.

Counterpoint: None! Not withstanding what it says about serving size on the package of Oreos, what constitues a serving depends on how much milk you have in the house. If you have a half-gallon of milk, then a serving of Oreos is a one-and-a-quarter pound package.

I got through two gallons of milk a week. It's delicious and nothing goes better with desserts in general. And don't come at me with that nut/soy milk nonsense. Fucking pretenders to the throne all, they need to be banished to the outer realms to go hang with other frauds like Tofurkey.

Counterpoint: There is no better snack food than chocolate milk.

Lactaid, yo. Milk without the farts. As someone who suffers from acid reflux, milk is such a relief. I find it works much better and faster than most medications for quick relief. Will not be giving up milk, cream, yogurt, cheese, ice cream, etc, etc, anytime soon. I'd rather not live to be 100 anyway.

Correct. Adults should be drinking hot chocolate topped with whipped cream. With marshmallows.

The 8 red velvet Oreos I just ate would like to VEHEMENTLY disagree with your analysis.

So proud that we have someone who is both a doctor and a judge on staff.

I don't think this is the fault of a particular political party. Just the result of a capitalist health care system—something both parties seem to support.

She sounds like an asshole but Holly Hobby Lobby is a pretty great name.

I completely lost the ability to breath after reading that, it's been a while since I've laughed myself purple! Bravo!

In years previous I've mentioned a friend of mine- not "friend of a friend", but an actual I know this guy, first name and last name, have been to his annual Pride party for many years- who actually did get a pool ball shoved up there during sexytimes, and had emergency surgery to remove it from his large intestine.…

Selecting an item with a flared base is generally best.

The Aristocrats!

I've said it before, and will continue to say it: Please, from all the nurses out there, if you're going to shove something in one of your holes, just tie a goddamned string around it first!

Man, what's her problem?

I'm going to venture a guess that the 10-sided die up the nose was not self-inflicted. I bet it got there after an argument relating to critting with a longsword one too many times in D&D. Either a DM was upset about someone's critical derailing their "perfect" campaign, or a player was tired of the DM's pet villain…

Now the holiday season is truly complete. It's tradition in our home to gather round the fireplace as a family, mugs of cocoa cupped in our hands, while Granpapa reads the list of objects people have stuck up their asses.