That must always be proceeded with the double clap. ::clap clap:: “PUT YOUR SHOES ON!”

I’m a selfish knitter. Kid Electron gets a sweater in the fall, my husband might score socks, but everything else is for meeeeeeee.

My gym’s been inundated with high school boys trying to pack on 50 pounds of muscle before football two-a-days start in August, and every single one of them are lifting their heels with their squats because that’s what coach taught them. OMG.

Lifting, drinking beer (though mostly at home these days because sitters are…

My husband’s immunosuppressed. An anti-vaxxer just enrolled in our daughter’s preschool with a religious exemption. I am so, so pissed off.

GIRL. Gizehs and gel pedis are the fucking shiz here, apparently. The moms at swim school are all so very complimentary about mine, and my more fashionable East Coast friends are all hip to the slightly-ugly-but-super-awesome shoe trend.

I fucking refuse to go out in workout clothes unless I absolutely must run an errand after hitting the gym. I am in jeans. My hair is down. My brow game is on point.

Pluto’s totally cute with the carbon monoxide heart. It’s like a planetary emoji. Squee!

I don’t regret mine at all. I even went on to marry the guy and have a baby with him a dozen years later. If I’d been forced to carry to term then, I’d be a single mother living in poverty and it would not be pretty.

When I was a junior in high school, this one dude decided to start hassling me. He was new and, I dunno, thought he’d make friends by putting the fat girl in her place. Any time he could, he’d shove me, or trip me, or try to humiliate me. It was a small school, so I had to be around this guy a lot, and the…

I will not condemn her until we know the facts. A friend’s ex-husband pulled a similar stun a dozen years ago. While my friend was at work, he got fed up with the baby and nearly shook her to death before abandoning her at a church. She lost custody for awhile, but then was able to get the help she needed to leave the…

Oh, that poor baby. I hope the mother gets the help she needs.

If we find ourselves having a struggle over clothes in the morning, the whole day is ruined with behavioral brinkmanship. Hours-long tantrums, deliberately soiled clothing, and every request is met with an epic meltdown. Y’know, the absolute worst behavior that we never talk about, the sort of tantrums that suck the…

Sadly, my three-year-old has very strong opinions about what she wants to wear, and indulgent grandparents. Her wardrobe is 50% Elsa and Anna and 50% “I WON’T WEAR THAT!” tantrums.

She does like wearing handknits, though, so she does get a lot of mama-made sweaters in the autumn.

He always looks like a cherubic little boy from the 1940s. I looooooooove it.

I regret I have but one star to give.

If it’s anything like the couple in my program, they’ll hook up second semester, move in together that summer and spend the next 18 months rolling along in an avalanche of awkward metaphors and PBR cans. They won’t marry. A few years after graduation, she’ll give up and go to nursing school, while he sits around…

Was the post written by that one girl who desperately wants to impress the Dude in Your MFA Program with her literary chops? There’s always one in every program.

Bellagio bumped us when my husband told the agent it was our last trip before the baby came. We had a great view of the fountains. It was gorgeous.

Nobody wants to hear you belt out Castle in the Clouds, Amber.

Things I wish I had said on that one trip in college.

Did the flag come down for 9/11? It’s one question I haven’t been able to answer through half-hearted googling, but I am curious.