Thank you. Baby Beep is amazing.

My daughter is seven months, and she just received her mild cerebral palsy diagnosis. I'm very relieved that there's something actually wrong that we can work to fix and that this wasn't me beginning my decent into a bad Lifetime movie role of Attention Whore Mama.

We do not get respect as a state. Forty-seventh in the union, but number 1 in my heart.

Parental notification died, so woot. And the Avengers was huge, so that should keep the film credits in place, so Susanna can just suck it.

New Mexico's legislature has also adjourned. #corrections #oneofourfiftyisalwaysmissing

In my view, as long as mothers are being shamed for feeding their children, it's good to do a little conscious-raising. I was feeding Le Petite Beep in my car last week and had a woman tap on my window to tell me it was disgusting. If I can park in the BFE portion of the Target parking lot and still manage to be told…

FUCK THE HOOTER HIDER. Fuck its insipid name, fuck the concept. I hate 'em, Baby Beep despises them, so we don't use them. If anyone tries to give me the stink eye, I just stink eye back.

Who cares! Janeway is my captain!

I know, right? My biggest excitement about being a stay at home mom is that my own mother is going to take the baby for an hour every day this summer so I CAN TAKE MATH CLASSES! Awwww, yeah. I'm going to rectify this thing I call my English degree if it kills me.

Oh my lawd, I'm right there with you, and my baby's six months old tomorrow. For a long time, if I saw a stranger admire her in Costco, I'd turn the other way and get the hell out of there. It was a weird reaction to little old ladies smiling at Baby Beep.

And I just wanted a rainbow cake for turning 34. (In twelve days! Oh lord, I'm getting old.)

Yes, my mother drummed it into me to question any injection, lest they try to dry up my supply. Didn't happen, though, thank god.

I was the freak on my floor who didn't go the formula route after birth. The nurses treated me like I was putting my newborn in jeopardy for not plugging her with Similac. My requests for a lactation consultant were ignored until my husband started rattling cages. Whenever we dealt with a nurse, we got the "breast is…

We either had Goal-Oriented Fucking or Fucked with Intention, but I tend to hide on more obscure mommy boards.

Don't stress. I gained 12 pounds during my first month and then eight for the rest. It balances out.

Lord, Mr. Beep knows to call the therapist when he finds me zoned out in front of HIMYM, with Baby Beep attached to my chest.

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

I think this takes the sting out of the pumpkin patch heist verdict.

And he continues to live up to his name.

Knock-knock, motherfucker.