S'pensive April Fool's joke. Thanks for keeping me afloat another day.

@NoraCharles: I hate him, too. Just based on that paragraph.

I never will get the oxytocin argument, because even if you save yourself for marriage, by your logic, you'll still run out of oxytocin, which makes me think your husband will be at a higher risk of fucking his secretary.

@a.clever.otter: My last job instituted a one-photo-per-desk rule, and I was told to leave my toys at home.

My supervisors get freaked out if I take lunch at my desk, because of some banal state law which requires an hour's lunch away from one's desk. They're totally afraid some state inspector will see me chillin' with my taco salad at noon and take away their tax incentives.

@Leiakat: Preach it. The Dude on the Mortgage will make these hissing breath noises whenever I don't drive exactly how he would. It's fucking annoying.

Yeah, that's just about how I picture the Orange Oprah.

I had a TSA worker in Cleveland steal my laptop charger on Saturday. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

I read "Shine" and I think of the big honkin' zit on my chin that no amount of concealer is going to hide.

@JessicaLovejoy: Here's my phone #, your man ain't gotta know: Damnedest thing. I was a goddess in Cleveland. By which I mean, I was asked out in the Starbucks line at 7 a.m.

Well, hello, weekend Jezzies! I'm back from Cleveland and was catching up on things.

Holy crap! I have a star!

One day, when I'm really drunk, I will regale you all with the tale of my last year of Girl Scout camp, where my troop of sixteen 11-year-old girls got lost in the southern New Mexico mountains with four inept teenaged counselors, 12 llamas and no food for 72 hours.

@a.clever.otter: The (well-meaning, overly empathetic, kind of confused at the sudden rebound) person loaned me her copy. It's so tattered and dog-eared and loved. Which kind of explains why this person and I are not what you'd call particularly close.

It's too cold in my office to wear a sundress. Damnit.

@Hamsterpants: We were all thinking it.

@AthertonMerriweather: Oh, my god. I can't even bring myself to pick it up to look at the cover. It was just handed to me with a whispered "here, this might help you."

Holy crap, Heather. Take the money and live off the fucking interest and stop being so damn greedy. Look after your daughter. Read "Eat Pray Love" or whatever the fuck inspirational book was shoved at me last week. Just stop. You know? Stop. To quote my mother, you're being ugly.

I think I'm going to design a line of chunky knit sweaters in clashing varigated colors, paired with overly small hot pants and combat boots. Hagness will be the face of my spring campaign, it'll sell out and I'll use the proceeds to start Jezebel Island.

You guys talk economics all you want, and I'll read straight through to the end — especially as we're coming up on the bloodbath that will be April earnings season.