I only have two brothers but I assume it’s that you can watch someone randomly punch another person and all you do is glance over and say “idiots.” then go about your day?

I had a conversation about this the other day with a friend who has kids. They just bought a new house and her and her husband were at their wits end. She wanted multiple runner rugs and her husband wanted to get a custom one piece runner. His arguement is it’ll probably be the same price as multiples, it looks…

My b. I have some videos of a butterfly landing on my dogs nose and my dog dilligently trying to keep her new friend to stay?

The real risk of complete and unredacted returns being released is the generation that ends smoking would feel the desperate need to go out and buy a zippo and a pack of smokes because it just felt right. Like that’s the moment you roll over in bed and take a nice long drag.

Are you kidding me? We have a guy who boasts to Billy Bush about the pussy he can comendeer (who the fuck brags to Billy bush about women? Even Carson Kreesley would call Billy a queen beyond queen.) and allegedly loves Soviet escorts enough to put a ring on it.

Because we can’t masturbate to them

I have a very ambitious older brother that has dreams of holding one of the highest positions in America. His fall back plan is a seat with a life term.

In my defense, I’m always listening to some kind of liberal NPR podcast or gangster rap when I’m in the drive thru at Chick-fil-A so I still have to feel bad about eating it but I can now justify eating there again

I dunno... my dog goes through at least 6 poo bags a day and sometimes when I can’t sleep at night I think about how me being a responsible citizen results in so much waste and if not picking up would be better for the environment.

Actually that’s a funny analogy because the beautiful and patient lovely office manager that is responsible for literally making panacakes appear for staff breakfasts or the assortment of breakfast sandwiches on Friday morning is mysteriously taking a last minute vaca wed-sun

Saying it out loud seems so pat myself on the back and oh I’m so lovely! Clap for me! But it seems important to take a stand when the stakes are low. I have really nothing to lose by making a statement but the women it really matters to are the women who can’t strike

Literally everyone laughs at that law like omg how silly! Something I can say say about the south is that it’s pretty much all about the neighborhood. If you’re in a swim team neighborhood and have young kids, yeah, there’s gonna be some gossipy clique stuff going down. But also your kids have a built in summer…

I am. Because I’m a salaried worker and I have paid time off. I made sure I would be burning a paid time and not a sick day. I also made it clear that I would not be answering emails or phone calls on that day (like unless there’s a literal fire.) The way I see it is that I’m a pretty important person in my office and…

I’ve said for years the only reason to get married is a kitchen aid stand mixer but I’m also not so keen on marriage. My boyfriend found a beat up old Hobart era copper stand mixer and he refinished it and got all the attachments I could ever want. It is basically my mother’s age and it’s running like it’s brand new.…

I’ve seen Adele and Beyoncé in concert and between 25 and Lemonade? Adele wins out every single time. And I know. I KNOW! Beyoncé’s Lemonade is visually stunning. People 100% were were in their freakum dress. A term my dad was obsessed with in 2010 after learning about a Freakum Ball that was happening locally in…

Once he said it never gives me alerts I decided to also toggle alerts on and off depending on if I’m using it. He’s a busy dude and I honestly don’t care what he’s doing or where he’s going. I get a rough outline while texting him. I don’t need updates. It’s just funny that the app is seemingly tempting me into being…

Which is why I toggle it. On when I use it. Off when I don’t.

I only use location services when actively using the app. I have a family account with my boyfriend and it sends me constant updates if my location services are off. Like it’s daring me to want to snoop so turn your location services on so you can stalk him through the app.

I had a Samantha. They didn’t have undies. They were just tan fabric bodies. There was no suggestion of any anatomical correctness.

I kind of love the idea of the girls going up to the residence head butler and asking where the breaker box is because they tripped a breaker and gee it’s about time they learned how to do stuff on their own again. He laughs and asks if it was their bathroom again and he’ll take care of it. Then they scramble and say…