If you're cool with the rest of the bullet points, chances are you're looking for the sweet release of death anyway.

I'm gonna guess 56, simply because he protests so much about his 20-something "friends" and how he runs circles around them. Sure you do, dude. Suuuuuuuuure.

He learned his lesson from girlfriends #1-3. Pretty sure he knows where all the "romantic" spots in the woods are. And by "romantic," I mean isolated hellhole where no one can hear you scream.

"Masculine" usually means bald.

I would like to employ you to read all dating profiles I look at and tell me the real bizness.

They can't have more personal effects then he can burn/dump in one trip.

Where is this girl? Running for her damn life if she's got an ounce of sense.

Yep, as soon as I read his perfect woman can't be tied to a particular job or place, I said "Whelp, this man is a serial killer." I'm sure like, 80% of his "ex-girlfriends" are missing.

It's fine. The Muslims don't want him. *shudder*

I kind of just read his spieland assumed he was a lefty. But upon closer inspection he would almost definitely have mentioned it if he was left-handed. Like "...as a left-handed person I am very in touch with my creativity..."

He said his muse can have tattoos but not TOO many because he just can't tolerate that.

Yeah, which is why I think he means, at best, "no muslims" (and that's a shitty best) or, at worst, "whites only." So...at best he's racist and at worst he's...more racist?

Or tattooed girls, or girls who have ever been with black men.

Romeo Rose? Is that you?

And supply the shovel.

I found his ideal woman!

So after spending all damn day with this controlling jackass you get to sleep on the couch? But then have to go into his bedroom in the morning for cuddling and, shudder, making love?

P.S: candidate should be ok with possibly being murdered and buried under the floorboards.

I loathed this guy from the start, but for a while there I was wishing him the best. Like, he doesn't seem evil, no skin off my ass if he finds some equally annoying Christian hippie to be spiritual with. But I changed my mind once he started talking about looking for a muse. Fuck him, I hope he has to play out D/s…

So, he wants an NSA sex toy/someone to do the filing? Because that's all I'm getting from this ad.