“Yes, sure, those letters probably are inside the garbage can now.” 

Avenatti is deliciously petty.

He’s taking a few days to get his jokes in order, so you just know they have to be good!

She made fun of that on the Daily Show that she looks like a combination of both Annies

If it was meant for people to know exactly what it meant, it wouldn’t have been so cryptic.”

Yes! I remember all of the posts like: “Wow. You really know who your real friends are.” And then the inevitable “OMG, are you ok?!” replies to it.

She’s benefited enormously from being too boring to parody, unlike Sean Spicer.

Sorry I was busy taking a shit, not giving one.

I dunno, it might be fun to see what Melania can do with the Elin Nordegren commemorative 9-iron...

Maybe he’ll do that when she gives back Beyonce’s hat. He’s a thoughtless, thieving narcissist, but she married that.

Not to mention, apparently it’s unprotected sex.

I Consider Myself to Be a Free-Ass Motherfucker

One, two, three, four,

I think she was happy and content to have her New York socialite lifestyle, with a son to raise as her own, a penthouse, nice lunches with like minded people, and her pilates trainer Pablo on the side. I’m sure life felt like she already was a rich New York widow. She never imagined or signed up for all of this, let…

A memorial of anything else would be better. A memorial to fucking Arby’s would be 100 times less idiotic than this bill.

“Ok, everything from this point on is ecret-say, got it?”

Mr. Princess and I are trying to have a baby right now (yay!) but the thought of carrying a tiny just-born infant scares the shit out of me. Like I’m afraid I’ll accidentally kill it like my Chia pet.

It’s invasive as fuck and pretty creepy.

Yeah I was definitely still very involved in managing the hierarchy and life stories of all of my teddy bears at that age and my favorite outfit was a California Raisins matching top-shorts set.

I’m on the shitter now, not even a parent, and I’m concerned.