now, i could die happy.

i have the EXACT same forever lazy that i got from a thrift store. selling point: butt zipper.

hot dogs?

yeah man. that shit is fucked. i would quarantine myself as soon as i got back from west africa, just to be safe. plus, who goes bowling sick?

that is the difference between animal rights and animal welfare.

INSTANT FOLLOW.

my highschool BFF was named mir.i.am... #tbt?

i have been a strict vegetarian for 12 years. i don't remember what meat tastes like (except an unfortunate chicken quesadilla incident... blergh) so these meat substitutes are just a salty chewy thing that isn't made out of a dead animal. YUMMMY!

my dad washed my hair with a 40 of vodka and then burnt my scalp with a blowdryer. it worked

they probably wouldn't have noticed that it was a different donor* if the baby was white.

if you say yes, they will legitimately make it happen. ref point: watching guy give himself BJ on chatroulette

did you get your dog from Washington state?

considering i saw squidgy and was like... where did they get that pic of me? i think you're aight

grumpy cat had a trailer all to herself, and was in the movie for select scenes but was partially played by an entirely artificial cat substitute robot machine thing that looked just like her.

i was shooting the shit with PA's and they said it was the worst movie they had ever read... ever. but, i got a grumpy cat button, and got to meet burger, an adorb movie dog.

so... i am actually in this movie (inadvertently) and saw a lot of the filming.

someone i know* also got scabies from trying on shoes...

the one cool thing about working at west elm was that they had an option — "prefer not to say" i thought it was a decent attempt at inclusivity.

haha! same thing happened to me. my mom (who had already given birth) went to the hospital after her bulge had dropped and her water broke, and the hospital was like, you're not having a baby right now. my mom and dad were like UMMM NO IT IS COMING OUT and the hospital was like... we have to take a urine sample to…

this is the second story i have read about overheating samsungs catching on fire. i have the s4 and am seriously concerned because it has definitely felt combustion-hot while charging...