Oh, Jason. You can’t have it both ways.

Okay, I don’t mind the idea of paying for content through my exposure to ads, but is it really necessary to place an ad after every three lines? It makes something like this impossible to digest.

I went to Michael’s Crafts last night to pick up some unrelated shenanigans. EVERY person in line was buying tagboard.

Damn! No mention of this article from early Jez days?

Done and stoked for them!!

I’m actually convinced that Tiffy Trump and Cat Marnell are the same person.

This makes me laugh.

I love my IUD—so, so much.

What are the intentions of this law? Are they trying to protect the actors or to influence the viewers or push production out of California?

I’ve always said that there is literally nothing that Trump could do or say that would earn my vote.....but if he could bring back 500 Days....?

Krill, baby, krill.

I used to think that, too! But then I watch her documentary “Part of Me” and was forever changed. She is a phenomenon.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I hate myself.

I give prayer for the Terror seafarer who let the Arctic cold ensnare her.

To be fair, I felt extremely charitable after I saw how happy Leonardo DiCaprio became after the Make-a-Wish team got him his Academy Award.

When I was a kid, I thought getting a “boob job” meant that you were hired to work as a lifeguard on Baywatch. (Thanks, Pamela!) So my 7-year-old, no-chill self would run around telling anyone that would listen that I couldn’t wait to grow up and get a boob job.

♫ Baa, Baa genderqueer-transracial-pansexual sheep, have you any wool?

• “Thank god! I was looking for a Player 2 for my Number 2.”
  

Or it was the perfect crime—until I got caught. (Kidding.)