Ass-less chaps.

The worst one I ever encountered was “Western. No Jeans.” WTF? Do I just wear a string tie and a Ten Gallon hat (neither of which I own, and I already bought you a gift so I’m not buying single use clothes for this) with a suit or something? Western and No Jeans are a contradiction in terms.

I just got married and the amount of little shit that I thought no one care about but my wife and mother in law thought was THE MOST IMPORTANT SHIT IN THE WORLD but ultimately wasn’t anything close to a big deal is...well, basically most things.

(while I’m making rules, if you’re requiring people to wear heels you want to continue to participate in society without being branded as a pariah, you are not allowed to have a cash bar)

3) Hellscape

Man, between the vacant stare and the crazy beard, Flacco looks like he just got back from being lost in the woods for three years.

This is amusing, but accusing Vic Fangio of being duplicitous is like accusing Donald Trump of engineering all his controversies intentionally...for some reason.

And despite your corporate overlords telling you to stick to sports, I hope Deadspin never does because

and I can’t emphasize this enough

I come to Deadspin BECAUSE YOU DON’T JUST STICK TO SPORTS

Plot twist, this was all an elaborate scheme by Elway to kill Joe’s career for good after the mile high miracle in 2012. 

God, I hope that "lock him up" chant burned its way into his insecure little facsimile of a soul and we get a torrent of rage tweets about it tomorrow. HOOK IT TO MY VEINS!

The “Veterans for Impeachment” signs behind home plate at the top of the fifth was also a nice touch.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

If he went along with their plan and his career ended after this season because of the unnecessary sustained damage, surely the Jets would pay him the tens of millions of dollars he lost in sacrifice to a lost season. Oh, they would have told him to fuck off? Yea, I think the Jets should be sued into Oblivion for this…

Numerous people contacted for this story said he is a relentless self promoter who lies about nearly everything he says he does.

We can all agree that there are simply too many damn bowl games

There’s no synergy. You can’t play buzzword bingo without synergy!

DreamHouse is a joint venture of Authentic Brands Group and G/O Media. We deliver compelling product, innovative content, and immersive brand experiences. We create and activate original marketing strategies that drive the success of our brands across all consumer touchpoints, platforms, and emerging media. Our…

I’m just waiting for the day that the Evangelicals figure out that the fundamentalist Muslims want all the same things they do. It’s gonna be tight.

I submit that in layering weather also brings with it:

“My job is to coach the team.”- Adam Gase