Unless they're an established regular, restaurant/bar patrons should be fitted with shock collars before they can be served.

"is their capacity for getting non-crazy gun rights proponents and anti-gun activists to agree on something, that something being "fuck Open Carry Texas.""

Nothing an icepick lobotomy can't fix.

HAHAHA OH WOW

I wish I was there.

My snark-fu will never be on your level.

Your username is amazing.

I'd shoot it, cook it, and sell its skin

If (read:never) I ever get married, I'm just not gonna invite anyone

I AM THE MEAL

sexytimes in public is sexy, but everything after that was just fucked up

"There is a special place in hell for people who mistreat their servers on Mother's Day. As a Mom, it's your special day, and you deserve to be pampered. So do the other 2-4 Moms in your server's section,"

It's been 2-3 years, and I still don't know any of my neighbors.

One guy trying to get me to sleep with by insisting that he had already turned five other lesbians straight.

You probably would have ended up as chopped up pieces inside a freezer

Was she a Martian?

Better "Brooklyn" than "Bella".

"Bionic body??"