I love you so much PHILLIP J FRY

Millennials are of basically two cohorts. The ones who remember VHS tapes and dial up internet and the ones who don’t. I think that is the biggest divide. Think about it. The youngest millennials have never had to actively search for porn, seen TLR, or any of the other arbitrary things I use to describe my sub-cohort…

Which of his 99 problems is this one, I wonder.

“WHY AM I PERSECUTED?!”

IT’S NOT BREAKFAST IF YOU DON’T HAVE BISCUITS AND BACON, YOU FASCISTS. Seriously, it’s like they just picked the worst breakfast items to have during the day. Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit or NOTHING.

You know that parents are still people too right? Should no one have kids who doesn’t enjoy them/have ultimate patience at all times?

There are also different stages in a kids life. I hated the infant stage. The toddler stage is trying and my patience is often spread thin. I think I’ll really like the tween/teen years because I loved talking to my dad at that age. But because I knew I wasn’t going to be that great at the first few years of my…

if you think patience is the most important thing when raising kids but you have to get high to be patient then MAYBE you shouldn’t have kids.

I guess car seat laws are just more oppressive liberal regulation. *froths incoherently with rage*

I’m normally very po-faced about other people’s pain but I read the title and my head did a sad trombone noise and I feel pretty bad about it but not bad enough to stop my mouth from doing a laugh.

I sure hope she has good health insurance and doesn’t have to rely on that Liberal Obummer Care....

I’m confused, is this child one of those “ good guys with a gun” I keep being told about?

And, the next time he asks to go to the Dairy Queen, she’ll go. Lesson learned.

if she were a Real American™ she would dress the wound by her bootstraps

I shall take this opportunity to inform/remind people that NOAA has a fleet of 17 ships manned in part by a corps of about 380 officers. They are the seventh and smallest branch of the United States uniformed service, and while exciting shit like this doesn’t happen every day, they’re hard working and dedicated to…

Lewis and Clark come back, “Couldn’t you have brought back coffee for everyone?”

The chemistry between Poe and Finn was palpable onscreen, and I say that as a straight guy. The fact that there was no chemistry at all between Finn and Rey (much to Finn’s disappointment) wasn’t lost on me either.