I can't imagine having zero privacy as a kid. Being unable to play by myself in my room without my mom sitting there? Jesus. I mean, when my SIL's daughter was 13, she insisted on holding the girl's hand to ride an escalator. A fucking escalator. She raised a kid unable to ride an escalator by herself at 13. At 13, my…

no thank you pls

I hate that fucking guy. And he's an embarrassment to Indian Americans. I always have to tell people he's not one of my people. I wish Chappelle's racial draft was real, we'd pawn him off on the Whites in a HEARTBEAT.

I, for one, think that fact that you are friends with Claudia Christian is by far the most exciting part of this story.

Paul Rudd seems to me to be more attractive than when he was younger. Am I alone in thinking that?

He wasn't even supposed to BE a Beatle, and I hope at least one person a day reminds him of that fact.

White people as a social group have gone insane. It's like they feel the reins of power slipping away and are digging their claws into the oppressed as a last fuck you.

Fuck. She's such a pretentious tool.

Even if you set aside Palmer's belligerent self-absorption and boundless idiocy, I still do not understand her appeal. She has no talent at all, and her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

Amanda Fucking Palmer. Her pretentious book showed up at the bookstore where I work and I always un- front face it now to hide it. The only other book I've been this committed to hiding was Jenny McCarthy's. And she kills babies!

Every poem she writes should be called "why I'm the most interesting person in the world" and then she can just attach a chapter number. I assume we're into double digits by now.

It makes me sad and conflicted that Neil Gaiman is married to her, and continues to be married to her, seemingly by his own choice

$100 million only...why not $999 chilliontrillion??? and Miley Cyrus only??? the guy should think outside the box and dare to dream big!

Burt, I'm genuinely happy for you and I wish you much success with your new gig. However, this place won't be the same without you

A VOICE ORDERING APP

WHAT… HOW… WHY??? WHY??? WHY????????

Did you read my comment? The whole point is that if you assume "what the fuck she wants" without trying to clarify (something that ANY decent customer/food service worker would do pleasantly and in a non-confrontational manner, seriously where are you getting coffee?), there's a high likelihood of getting the order…

Your troll fu is strong.

I feel like that crazy Coffee Latte story needs to be a Hyperbole and a Half blog post, it needs Allie's glorious illustrations to depict that woman's rage.

I have two exes' numbers in my phone as "poo emoji" (just the icon) and "Pathetic Guy."